I have a friend that used to be a best friend, who for some reason I can't let go of my hatred and loss of respect for him. Throughout his whole life he has always been a little sketchy and shady, but when it came down to it, he was always there for his friends and he would do everything and anything for them. About 3 years ago, he moved out west and that is when it all changed for me.
This friend and I were the main people in each other's lives that we could always ask for pretty large sums of money, and we would lend it to each other without thinking twice about it, because we knew we were good for it, and we also played high stakes poker together and we knew how it could get sometimes. Money was never an issue with us. When he left to move out west, he left owing me approx $1000, which he had borrowed over time the previous 2 months before that. He also left owing about 4 other people a combine $2000. To this day, I have not seen a cent of that money, and everyone thinks because of that, that is why I haven't let go of the hatred. The fact is, that has nothing to do about it, and if he were to ever move back here I would probably not even bring it up unless he did. I have never let money influence anything in my life.
My wedding was set for early July,that meant my friend would be in his new state for about 2.5 months before hand. He was a groomsman in my wedding. There was speculation from everyone that he would not come in town, but no person would be a groomsmen and then not show up, and if they did, they would give notice. Time approached closer, and I never heard from him, then I got nervous when his roommate out west was calling me getting details about the wedding and telling me how excited he was to come in town. He never said anything about my other friend. Finally, it is the day before my wedding and everyone is in town, except for my friend who was a groomsmen. He never called, he hadn't returned my 30some calls over the last 2 months, nothing... Instead, he told 2 other guys in my wedding to tell me he was sorry for not coming and that was it. He managed to call my house and leave 2 messages for me that weekend telling me he was sorry he never made it. He called the HOUSE during the rehearsal dinner and during the actual wedding; 2 times he knew 100% I would not be home. I knew he was wasting money and doing drugs and gambling out there, but I didn't think that would make him do this. since then, he has never once explained to me what happened and why he didn't come, and more importantly he has never even apologized for it.
It all would have been fine, if I knew in advance he wasn't going to come, and even after the wedding, if he would have explained himself or even apologized.
About 2 months before he left, I introduced him to a group of older men that I play poker with. i was playing a regular game once a week at this guy's house, and I slowly brought him into that scene. The guy had a multi-million dollar house, and my friend(who was a painter) convinced him to let him paint the house. The owner of the house was very skeptical because he barely knew this person who was asking for 80% of the bill upfront in cash, so he asked me about him. I vouched for him, and said he would def. do it and not be shady. 1.5 months pass and my friend has moved out west with 90% of the cash from the guy, and has left a house half painted. The owner was pissed and was asking me every day about him, and I kept saying, don't worry, He will be home for my wedding weekend and he can finish then. My friend never once called the house owner or me to explain anything. He just ran off with the money, and left me looking awful and embarrassed to a group of men that I had not only become close with, but were all close friends with my uncle. I am still waiting for an apology and/or and explination for what happened here, and for him to at least acknowledge what he did was crappy.
The final thing that still bothers me is how he handled my fiance's neighbor house. In hind sight, I hate her neighbors so I don't care about them at all, but this just goes to show more my friends character. It was sort of the same situation as above, only I didn't really know these people except that they were best friends of my fiance's parents. He agreed to paint there whole sidings and outside of their house about 4 months before he moved away. He gave them a good price and didn't ask for that much up front. He started to paint and was doing a good job, and then suddenly stopped and disappeared. He never called them, he never answered their calls, and he avoided me at all costs when I brought it up. He ended up ducking them for over 2 months, never called and moved away leaving their house half painted and they had to hire someone else.
Now, over the years anyone that has known him, knows how shady and undependable he can be. But, like I said before he was always there for his friends. This showed me how selfish he was and how he was only looking out for himself. In the 2+ years he has lived out west, numerous people have gone out to visit him. 80% of those people had tried contacting him, never heard from him, and then would get a call from him as they were in the airport getting ready to leave. They had been calling him the whole time they were out there, and he would ignore them until the final day. 15% of the people have actually been with him out there, and he has made plans to get them in places or take them around at night, then he just ignores all calls at night and never talks to them again. The other 5% people have actually seen him and hung out with him, and they just partied with him for a couple hours and then he disappeared again.
Part of me is worried for him, not so much for his immediate health, but for his life overall. I know how he has tendencies to big up big debts and then try to run from them and duck people, and I know that won't work where he is. I also know his addictive personality is more intense then anyone I have ever met, and where he is living, gambling, drugs, and drinking are prevalent 24 hours a day. As much as I want to be worried and be there for him, I am still so hurt and upset by not only the way he treated me when he left, but how over the last 2+ years he has gone out of his way to ignore all of it, and if he calls he tries to just have a bullshit convo, then says he has to go to work when I bring something up.
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