This is from an email my ex wrote me 1.5 weeks after we broke up, but were still talking....
I have made some decisions and have decided that we cannot hook up or talk anymore. The hooking up is too tough for me as I do attach physical things to my emotions. Talking to you is also not good for me because it will never allow me to move on. You want to be single and I get that, but I am at a different point in my life where I do not want to be single. I am not being fair to myself by still talking to you and being there for you in the way that I did when I was your girlfriend.
I have nothing wrong with what she said above, but reading the line about her not wanting to be single tells me a couple things. It tells me that it didn't matter who was she in a relationship with, as long as she was with someone. It tells me that, all the love and feelings she said she had for me, was very exaggerated and that she has the ability to throw it all away. It shows me that for as crushed and hurt as she was, she has already gone out with other guys, and is ready to date other people. I am taking a lot of this from other things she has said and written, not just that paragraph, but that paragraph does sum up a lot of it.
I know I am the one who broke up with her, but for her to run off so quickly and date someone else and want to fall in love right away shocks and hurts me.
She wrote this back to me, after I wrote pretty much the above, guess I was wrong. Like usual, she is the smarter, more normal one, and I was over-reacting and being stupid. I hope one day I am ready to settle down again with someone, and hopefully she will still be there....
I am not moving on right now, but I have no idea whether you will ever be ready to be with me so I feel like by still talking to you all the time I will never move on...I am still madly in love with you but you assume that just because I say "i dont want to be single" that that means that I am going to run and meet someone else....all that I meant by that was that we want different things...you know that I want to be with you, but how do i know you will ever want to fully be with me? you have broken up with me twice now because you dont want to be with me fully.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Lyrics
There are many song lyrics that I listen to and think, did they write that song for me??
Streets of Philadelphia-Bruce Springsteeen....I was bruised and batteredAnd I couldn't tell what I feltI was unrecognizable to myselfSaw my reflection in a windowI didn't know my own face
Superman- Goldfinger....So here I am doing everything I can holding on to what I am pretending I'm a superman I'm trying to keep the ground on my feet it seems the world's falling down around me the nights are all long I'm singing this song to try and make the answers more than maybe and I'm so confused about what to do sometimes I want to throw it all away so here I am looking older all the time growing older all the time feeling younger in my mind
History of a boring town- Less than Jake...A boring life in a boring townwith the same old crowd. (woah-oh-oh)When I used to say, that I'd never saythat I'm rotting here today. (woah-oh-oh)With that same old crowdthats always been around.And I always thought I'd bethe first to go.That same old crowd,that drags me down.Another day in a boring town.That same old crowd,that brings me down.A boring life in a boring town.
Wasting Time- Dave Matthews...Then later on the sun began to fadeThen the clouds rolled over headAnd it began to rainOh, we were dancing mouths openSplashing tongue tasteFor a moment this good time would never endYou and meYou and meJust wasting timeI was kissing you,You were kissing me loveFrom good day into the moonlightNow a night so fineMakes us wanna stay, stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile.
Streets of Philadelphia-Bruce Springsteeen....I was bruised and batteredAnd I couldn't tell what I feltI was unrecognizable to myselfSaw my reflection in a windowI didn't know my own face
Superman- Goldfinger....So here I am doing everything I can holding on to what I am pretending I'm a superman I'm trying to keep the ground on my feet it seems the world's falling down around me the nights are all long I'm singing this song to try and make the answers more than maybe and I'm so confused about what to do sometimes I want to throw it all away so here I am looking older all the time growing older all the time feeling younger in my mind
History of a boring town- Less than Jake...A boring life in a boring townwith the same old crowd. (woah-oh-oh)When I used to say, that I'd never saythat I'm rotting here today. (woah-oh-oh)With that same old crowdthats always been around.And I always thought I'd bethe first to go.That same old crowd,that drags me down.Another day in a boring town.That same old crowd,that brings me down.A boring life in a boring town.
Wasting Time- Dave Matthews...Then later on the sun began to fadeThen the clouds rolled over headAnd it began to rainOh, we were dancing mouths openSplashing tongue tasteFor a moment this good time would never endYou and meYou and meJust wasting timeI was kissing you,You were kissing me loveFrom good day into the moonlightNow a night so fineMakes us wanna stay, stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile.
Poker
This is what I kept track with last night while I was playing, I am going to start keeping notes on my cell phone for all the games I play.
10/23/08- Bought in for 90 went down to 40 re bought for 30..won a bunch of hands since..chased a boat down and lost.just flopped a et of 9's guy called me all the way with 2 pair took 55 from hom..just bluffed 25 into a 20 pot to steal with nothing and took it down..starting to fold more pre flop since people can pick up I'm an aggresive player..called 10 dollar raise with 10j spades flopped a flush draw..hit the flush on the turn..guy went all in with aces up..took 42 from him.6 dollar raise I'm bb 5 callers I make it 20 to steal with j10..checked flop bc I missed..guy went all in. For another 38...4 people called..these guys are CHASERS..I would have won that pot....last 6 hands pissed away 40 pucks on crappy pre flop calls.I have to stop calling those so losely...guy just pushed all in for 58 bucks with a10..got called by someone with kq!!!....just took down a 18 and a 25 dollar small pot with being aggresive..have to start taking down little pots more often...just chased down a straight for a 80 dollar pot...just limped in with ak under the gun waiting for a raise everyone called and limped I ended up missing and having to fold.I have to be more aggrersive with premium hands...my big hand of the night I called over 110 in the pot with over pair and straight draw..got out bet on the river by someone who chased mw down for a higher paid and I could have out bet him..now I'm back to even...on tilt now just gave back 65 in 2 hands..I'm down 40 now...just folded 6 hands in a row..trying to get back on focus...holy flop I just limped in with 24..flop was a35 with 2 diamds aces up and flush draw called me all the way tripled up my 85 that I had!!!!..its now midnight faught my wasy back to even.we agreed to end game at1230 I need to be disciplined...played complete opposite game got crazy went up to 285 then back to 190 within 2 hands..walking out now 55 bucks up but have to be 31 for all my food and beer..good game I'm sleept
10/23/08- Bought in for 90 went down to 40 re bought for 30..won a bunch of hands since..chased a boat down and lost.just flopped a et of 9's guy called me all the way with 2 pair took 55 from hom..just bluffed 25 into a 20 pot to steal with nothing and took it down..starting to fold more pre flop since people can pick up I'm an aggresive player..called 10 dollar raise with 10j spades flopped a flush draw..hit the flush on the turn..guy went all in with aces up..took 42 from him.6 dollar raise I'm bb 5 callers I make it 20 to steal with j10..checked flop bc I missed..guy went all in. For another 38...4 people called..these guys are CHASERS..I would have won that pot....last 6 hands pissed away 40 pucks on crappy pre flop calls.I have to stop calling those so losely...guy just pushed all in for 58 bucks with a10..got called by someone with kq!!!....just took down a 18 and a 25 dollar small pot with being aggresive..have to start taking down little pots more often...just chased down a straight for a 80 dollar pot...just limped in with ak under the gun waiting for a raise everyone called and limped I ended up missing and having to fold.I have to be more aggrersive with premium hands...my big hand of the night I called over 110 in the pot with over pair and straight draw..got out bet on the river by someone who chased mw down for a higher paid and I could have out bet him..now I'm back to even...on tilt now just gave back 65 in 2 hands..I'm down 40 now...just folded 6 hands in a row..trying to get back on focus...holy flop I just limped in with 24..flop was a35 with 2 diamds aces up and flush draw called me all the way tripled up my 85 that I had!!!!..its now midnight faught my wasy back to even.we agreed to end game at1230 I need to be disciplined...played complete opposite game got crazy went up to 285 then back to 190 within 2 hands..walking out now 55 bucks up but have to be 31 for all my food and beer..good game I'm sleept
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Marriage
Most people I hang out with, have this negative feeling towards marriage, and think that the majority of marriages wont work out the way they should I know this is mainly based on the fact that Tj and I have both been divorced already, and we look around and see other marriages falling apart and ending in divorce( Katy, Mandy, Reagan, etc..), but they refuse to look outside there little group and look at everyone else we know. Jen, Laura, Nicole, Sean, Paul, Adam, etc...are all happily married, some with kids, and are loving their lives to the fullest. The point is that marriage can work as long as both people are truly in love and truly understand the commitment that it takes.
I know most people think I am anti-marriage because of what happened to me, but that could not be farthest from the truth. True, at this exact moment in my life, I do not want to get married, but I am all for marriage again, and I think that marriage is a great thing, and if two people can find each other, that they should get married. Currently 3 of my best friends are either engaged( Brandon, hall) or recently married(mike-last week). everyone around them brings up how there is no way all 3 will work out, and tons of negative things, and I think that is the rudest, weirdest thing I have ever heard. As friends, we should be there for them, and we should want them to succeed in their marriage and in their future. It makes me very upset when people judge a relationship just from what they see on the outside, not knowing what really goes on on a day-to-day basis in those people's lives.
I know most people think I am anti-marriage because of what happened to me, but that could not be farthest from the truth. True, at this exact moment in my life, I do not want to get married, but I am all for marriage again, and I think that marriage is a great thing, and if two people can find each other, that they should get married. Currently 3 of my best friends are either engaged( Brandon, hall) or recently married(mike-last week). everyone around them brings up how there is no way all 3 will work out, and tons of negative things, and I think that is the rudest, weirdest thing I have ever heard. As friends, we should be there for them, and we should want them to succeed in their marriage and in their future. It makes me very upset when people judge a relationship just from what they see on the outside, not knowing what really goes on on a day-to-day basis in those people's lives.
Questions of the day
- up to this morning, we are all hearing these commercials with him being the host of the BET awards this friday, yet the internet has all these rumors about T-pain hosting it instead, becasue kat backed out, what is going with that?
- what affect if any do you think celebrties( puff, etc) will have on the vote, since they only wear obama shirts and every interview they do, they mention voting for obams? Do you think Palins snl skits will hurt, help, or not affect her and mccain?
- if chuck norris and jack bauer got in a fight, could there be a winner?
- what affect if any do you think celebrties( puff, etc) will have on the vote, since they only wear obama shirts and every interview they do, they mention voting for obams? Do you think Palins snl skits will hurt, help, or not affect her and mccain?
- if chuck norris and jack bauer got in a fight, could there be a winner?
Monday, October 20, 2008
Matt and Erin
It is tough to describe these two in detail, but watching them at my house all day, showed me exactly what I want in a relationship. I am not ready, and I do not want that now, but when I am ready, I want to find the type of relationship that they have. The way they are around each other and around their friends, they way they look at each other, everything about them is what couples should be. I hope they didn't think I was weird when I was staring at them, but watching them made me happy, and made me see that couples can be happy together, and relationships can work perfectly if both people are on the same page.
What I want
When I broke up with her, I wasn't sure if I had made the right decision or not, because I was not sure exactly what I wanted. After this last weekend, I realized what I am looking for not only in my own life, but what I would want from someone I was dating(what Matt and Erin have). This has nothing to do with her, she was and still is the best thing to ever happen to my life, but the timing was just off from what we both wanted and what we were looking for. Most people assume, I just want to be able and date and hook up with whoever I want to, and that is why I don't want to be in a relationship. That is not the case at all. For me, right now in my life, it is about doing what makes me happy, and having space and freedom to live my life the way I want to live it, and not be responsible for someone else. I thought I was ready and I wanted the serious 24/7 relationship, but over time I have realized that I was not. It sucks, because the girl I was with was ready for that, and any guy would be lucky to have her, but again, the timing was just off. I will never stop loving and/or caring for her, and it sucks for the next girl I date, whenever that is, because she will be compared to her, but I don't see how anyone I ever meet will compare to her. I guess part of me hopes that about her, and that all the guys she dates after me will not live up to me, and maybe when I am ready for what she wants, she will still be ready for me. Prior experiences( 4 of the last 5 girls I dated were looking for that also, and they are all either engaged or living with a new BF now) have told me that she wont, but then again, she is a very different person then anyone I have ever dated, and I feel stronger about her then any other girl I have ever dated, so only time can tell. For now, I have to accept that I broke up with her, and as hard as it is for me to not call or email her every detail about my life, I have to respect that we are not dating, and I have to let her get on with her own life, without me in it.
Anyway, this weekend gave me an idea of what I am looking for. When I left work on Friday, I didn't really have an idea of what I was doing that night. I had some different options, but I knew it was 100% up to me, and I could go where I wanted and hang out with who I want and that was all that mattered. I didn't have to have set plans, and I didn't have to know that if I did something without my girlfriend, then I had to explain where I was and what I was doing, and why I would rather do that then be with her. I ended up going going to the gym after work, then went to a bar and had dinner and some beers with my friends. This wasn't a planned activity, it just came up when I got a phone call when I left the gym. I like having the freedom to get a phone call and just be able to go and do something.. Eventually, I left there and went to a friends house and played poker all night.
Saturday morning, I woke up, and I knew that we were having a crab feast at my House all day and people would be coming over, but I knew I could just have fun and relax and do whatever I wanted. I ended up leaving my house at 8, and going out to watch the VT game, then stayed at the bar. I left around 1245 to go home, because I wanted to leave, not because someone else wanted to, and not because my gf was at home, and I knew I should have been with her and not at a bar. When I woke up on Sunday, I had no plans and no direction of where my day was doing. Again, I could do whatever I wanted, however I wanted to do it, and I didn't have to account for anyone else except myself. I know all of this sounds very selfish when I type it out, but if I don't give myself time to make myself happy and be truly happy with myself, I will never be able to be fully ready for a full relationship. Anyway, I watched the ravens game on my couch with my roommate and had some snacks. Then, I got a call from one of my buddies who really wanted to watch his team play at 4, but it wasn't on tv, so he had to go to a bar, so i decided to go down with him to get some food. I didn't drink at all the whole time I was there. I didn't go bc I wanted to go to a bar, i went because it was what I wanted to do at the time, so I just got off the couch, showered and went and met him. It all showed me that I really wasn't ready for a real, 24/7 marriage like relationship and that I need time to be alone and single before I am truly ready for that.
Who knows when that is something I will want with my life, but for now, I know that being single and having my space and freedom is what I need and want in my life.
Anyway, this weekend gave me an idea of what I am looking for. When I left work on Friday, I didn't really have an idea of what I was doing that night. I had some different options, but I knew it was 100% up to me, and I could go where I wanted and hang out with who I want and that was all that mattered. I didn't have to have set plans, and I didn't have to know that if I did something without my girlfriend, then I had to explain where I was and what I was doing, and why I would rather do that then be with her. I ended up going going to the gym after work, then went to a bar and had dinner and some beers with my friends. This wasn't a planned activity, it just came up when I got a phone call when I left the gym. I like having the freedom to get a phone call and just be able to go and do something.. Eventually, I left there and went to a friends house and played poker all night.
Saturday morning, I woke up, and I knew that we were having a crab feast at my House all day and people would be coming over, but I knew I could just have fun and relax and do whatever I wanted. I ended up leaving my house at 8, and going out to watch the VT game, then stayed at the bar. I left around 1245 to go home, because I wanted to leave, not because someone else wanted to, and not because my gf was at home, and I knew I should have been with her and not at a bar. When I woke up on Sunday, I had no plans and no direction of where my day was doing. Again, I could do whatever I wanted, however I wanted to do it, and I didn't have to account for anyone else except myself. I know all of this sounds very selfish when I type it out, but if I don't give myself time to make myself happy and be truly happy with myself, I will never be able to be fully ready for a full relationship. Anyway, I watched the ravens game on my couch with my roommate and had some snacks. Then, I got a call from one of my buddies who really wanted to watch his team play at 4, but it wasn't on tv, so he had to go to a bar, so i decided to go down with him to get some food. I didn't drink at all the whole time I was there. I didn't go bc I wanted to go to a bar, i went because it was what I wanted to do at the time, so I just got off the couch, showered and went and met him. It all showed me that I really wasn't ready for a real, 24/7 marriage like relationship and that I need time to be alone and single before I am truly ready for that.
Who knows when that is something I will want with my life, but for now, I know that being single and having my space and freedom is what I need and want in my life.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Great Links
http://www.collegeotr.com/college_otr/the_top_10_girlfriend_upgrades_of_pro_athletes_13251
http://themax.yesnetwork.com/archives/2008/10/bad_ideas_with_ink.html
http://www.uncoached.com/2008/10/16/9-humongous-mismatches-in-soccer-wag-history/
http://cuzoogle.com/2008/10/14/looking-ahead-to-the-nba-season-using-babes-or-not/
http://deadspin.com/5063035/hey-wait-a-minute-didnt-braylon-edwards-go-to-michigan
cheerleaders will never get old..
http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2008/10/movies_sexiest.html
think you know griffey?
http://simononsports.blogspot.com/2008/10/silhouette-trivia-left-handed-hitter.html
nba/roald rules challenge(bates, sam, and I may be the only ones that can identify)
http://theangryt.com/?p=1129
get girls to grasp the nfl
http://predominantlyorange.com/2008/10/23/nfl-and-greys-anatomy-do-mix/
http://thoughtsfromthejockstrap.blogspot.com/2008/10/comparing-nintendo-game-characters-and.html
http://themax.yesnetwork.com/archives/2008/10/bad_ideas_with_ink.html
http://www.uncoached.com/2008/10/16/9-humongous-mismatches-in-soccer-wag-history/
http://cuzoogle.com/2008/10/14/looking-ahead-to-the-nba-season-using-babes-or-not/
http://deadspin.com/5063035/hey-wait-a-minute-didnt-braylon-edwards-go-to-michigan
cheerleaders will never get old..
http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2008/10/movies_sexiest.html
think you know griffey?
http://simononsports.blogspot.com/2008/10/silhouette-trivia-left-handed-hitter.html
nba/roald rules challenge(bates, sam, and I may be the only ones that can identify)
http://theangryt.com/?p=1129
get girls to grasp the nfl
http://predominantlyorange.com/2008/10/23/nfl-and-greys-anatomy-do-mix/
http://thoughtsfromthejockstrap.blogspot.com/2008/10/comparing-nintendo-game-characters-and.html
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Healthy Crap food
The new craze seems to be whole wheat pizza crust. I just don't get the point. To me, it is the same concept of the Chinese food menu having a weight watchers selection on the menu. I assume this all started when fast food places started selling fruit and salads. If you want to eat that way, you do; a person doesn't go to McDonald's to get an apple and a salad. When you go to order a pizza or eat Chinese, you know are you eating unhealthy, and you do it anyway. Getting a large pepperoni pizza with whole wheat crust is not considered a healthy meal. I understand that it may make you feel better in the short term to eat that, but be serious with yourself. This also holds true for people that go to get a salad to be healthy, and then put enough crap on the salad to make it more unhealthy then a real entree. Again, along the same lines as getting an extra value meal and getting a diet coke with it. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but sitting at work listening to people talk about there healthy pizza they had for lunch just got me thinking about this.
not what you think
Last night me and Chris ended up at Lils until midnight. It was a very random and weird story how we ended out, especially since we were relaxing and getting ready to both go to bed at around 1015. The point is, when we were out with the guys that got us to go out, one of them started talking to me and what he said made me think a lot about the perception that is out there of me, and then this morning, I realized that people are going to have a certain perception of me, and I cant waste my time worrying about it and trying to change people's mind. All I can do is keep living my life.
The one guy we were with, I have not hung out with in about 6-8 months. He failed to believe that this was the latest I had been out on a weeknight in a long time. He kept saying, I know you, I know how you party, you do this stuff all the time. My first reaction was to defend myself and explain to him, that I am never out that late on a school night, and even though I play a lot of social sports, I can have a beer or two after, but I am always home by 1030 at the latest. Instead, I just told him it wasn't like that and let it slide. 2 months ago, I would have defended myself, because I would have been so worried about what people thought of me, but now I am over it.
Then, he was getting ready to tell me about his plans for moving away, and before he said anything, he prefaced it with " well, I guess if I tell you everyone will know", then he went to tell me his story. The point is, that yes years ago I did tend to tell people stories if they asked or if it came up in a conversation, but now I am at the point, where I have my own life, and worrying about other people's lives and telling there stories isn't something I do. I have some friends like Brad and Wes, who trust me with everything, and tell me everything, and I have other so called best friends, that are still hesitant about telling me anything. How can you call yourself my best friend, and not be open and honest with me?
I am at the point now, where I don't really care about either of these things, I just think its funny, how people can still me view one way, when in actuality I am 180 degrees different, but they will never take the time or make the effort to find out.
The one guy we were with, I have not hung out with in about 6-8 months. He failed to believe that this was the latest I had been out on a weeknight in a long time. He kept saying, I know you, I know how you party, you do this stuff all the time. My first reaction was to defend myself and explain to him, that I am never out that late on a school night, and even though I play a lot of social sports, I can have a beer or two after, but I am always home by 1030 at the latest. Instead, I just told him it wasn't like that and let it slide. 2 months ago, I would have defended myself, because I would have been so worried about what people thought of me, but now I am over it.
Then, he was getting ready to tell me about his plans for moving away, and before he said anything, he prefaced it with " well, I guess if I tell you everyone will know", then he went to tell me his story. The point is, that yes years ago I did tend to tell people stories if they asked or if it came up in a conversation, but now I am at the point, where I have my own life, and worrying about other people's lives and telling there stories isn't something I do. I have some friends like Brad and Wes, who trust me with everything, and tell me everything, and I have other so called best friends, that are still hesitant about telling me anything. How can you call yourself my best friend, and not be open and honest with me?
I am at the point now, where I don't really care about either of these things, I just think its funny, how people can still me view one way, when in actuality I am 180 degrees different, but they will never take the time or make the effort to find out.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Cooking
This is one skill I wish I had. I can cook a great meal like most people with a cookbook in front of me, and it will take me a good amount of time to make it. People like my roommate can come home and say I'm just going to throw together a pasta dish, and 25 minutes later we have a dish that would have probably taken me 45 minutes to make or longer. He sauteed zucchini and squash in the pan, while cooking the pasta and the sauce. He had peeled the shrimp and was steaming them also. He was also making salads and cutting up all types of other veggies to throw into the saute mix. He had the biscuits in the oven. This was a very simple dish for him, and took him no time and no thought at all. I want to be able to cook like that.
For him, cooking is fun and relaxing and something he really enjoys. I know how he feels, because I feel the same way about yardwork and gardening, which I know is weird, but every person has that thing that they like that is not the most normal. I want cooking to be another one of the things I have.
For him, cooking is fun and relaxing and something he really enjoys. I know how he feels, because I feel the same way about yardwork and gardening, which I know is weird, but every person has that thing that they like that is not the most normal. I want cooking to be another one of the things I have.
Losing a friend
Breaking up with her was hard enough, but as the time passes I realize what the hardest part of all of it is, losing a best friend. She was the first person I wanted to talk to when I woke up, and the last person I wanted to talk to before I went to bed. Anything that happened in in my life; good, bad, funny, something small, something at work, etc..., I wanted to immediately tell her about it. Knowing that she was always there to listen to me, and knowing that she was always there for me is the biggest thing I will miss.
I do understand that she is probably thinking the same thing, and is probably going through the same things I am. I stare at my phone, I stare at my email, I stare at my g-chat, wanting to write or call her and then have to stop my self. When I am not wanting to write her and/or talk to her, I am hoping that I will get some sort of message from her. I know we shouldn't still talk, and we still cant be there for each other, but realistically it is all I want, even though I know it isn't the right thing to do.
I do understand that she is probably thinking the same thing, and is probably going through the same things I am. I stare at my phone, I stare at my email, I stare at my g-chat, wanting to write or call her and then have to stop my self. When I am not wanting to write her and/or talk to her, I am hoping that I will get some sort of message from her. I know we shouldn't still talk, and we still cant be there for each other, but realistically it is all I want, even though I know it isn't the right thing to do.
Monday, October 13, 2008
caption for picture
they made me a 24 oz. jack and ginger to drink at the bar during cocktail hour. Then they said we had to go get in line, bc the wedding party was getting introduced and we couldnt have a drink with us. Well, instead of wasting the drink, we put 2 straws in it, and drank it like a shot. I just figured there should be some explination of this pic when people start seeing it.
Kellers wedding
Things you wont see in any pictures and most people wont hear about...
- Hall snuck into my hotel room and ordered gay porn and put it on all the tv's, knowing that people were going up there to late night
- Andrew Vona had his rental car for less then 30 minutes before he wrecked it
- Hotel bars close at 1230, but food delivers until 230 in the lobby
- Ryan seward played drums and Mike Keller sang at his own wedding for 2 songs
- we forgot to ask every guest we sat as ushers if they were in the bride's family or not.
- we didnt realize that until the 3 rows that were designated for that, were completely empty.
- The recpetion bar went through 8 bottles of Jack Daniels
- White people over the age of 60 are very very scared/intimated by my roomate
- Mike Keller not shaving for his wedding day because he shaved the day before
- Hall snuck into my hotel room and ordered gay porn and put it on all the tv's, knowing that people were going up there to late night
- Andrew Vona had his rental car for less then 30 minutes before he wrecked it
- Hotel bars close at 1230, but food delivers until 230 in the lobby
- Ryan seward played drums and Mike Keller sang at his own wedding for 2 songs
- we forgot to ask every guest we sat as ushers if they were in the bride's family or not.
- we didnt realize that until the 3 rows that were designated for that, were completely empty.
- The recpetion bar went through 8 bottles of Jack Daniels
- White people over the age of 60 are very very scared/intimated by my roomate
- Mike Keller not shaving for his wedding day because he shaved the day before
Football thoughts- Week 7
- Colt McCoy will win the Heisman, followed by Daniel, Sanchez, Bradford, and crabtree
- unc has now lost there 2 best players for the year, they will go 2-4 there next 6 games
- The nfl is wide open now, so Im not putting any team in the sb yet, but I do see it shaking out something like this:
- nfc playoff teams- Giant, Car, Arizona, Chicago, Philly ..wild card battle between atl, no, gb, with NO winning the wild card
- afc playoff teams- Tenn, Sd, Pitt, Buffalo, Ind, wild card battle between denver, ne, miami, jets...NE pulls out the final spot
- The OC of the Miami dolphins will be a head coach within the next 2 years of some nfl team
- at least 2 former pro-bowlers will be traded by Tuesday's deadline( t. newman, t. gonzalzes, etc..)
- Bo Jackson would have been top 5 ever rb in history if he stayed healthy
- kickers getting negative points in fantasy is just a dumb rule
- Detroit is a very bad nfl team, they wont make the playoffs for another 5 years, no free agent or draft can fix all the problems they have
- The bengals will flirt with 0-16 this year, I see a 2-14 final record
- Ryan is the ROY right now, but a couple bad games and Forte or Smith would win it from him
- Jay Cutler wasnt that far off when he said he had a better arm then Elway
- If the Skins make the playoffs, I could see Portis getting some MVP votes
- Bart Scott wont be a Raven next year
- Clemson has the best talent in the ACC, and cant win games, Bowden will be gone very soon
- Penn st will be in the national championship game
- I think Usc ends with 2 losses, and the winner of the big 12 game will play psu, with the sec getting one of the open spots in the bcs game along with byu
- conf winners for ncaa will be- Okl, Florida, Vt, Usc, Psu, Pitt---Byu and Bama get at large bids
- unc has now lost there 2 best players for the year, they will go 2-4 there next 6 games
- The nfl is wide open now, so Im not putting any team in the sb yet, but I do see it shaking out something like this:
- nfc playoff teams- Giant, Car, Arizona, Chicago, Philly ..wild card battle between atl, no, gb, with NO winning the wild card
- afc playoff teams- Tenn, Sd, Pitt, Buffalo, Ind, wild card battle between denver, ne, miami, jets...NE pulls out the final spot
- The OC of the Miami dolphins will be a head coach within the next 2 years of some nfl team
- at least 2 former pro-bowlers will be traded by Tuesday's deadline( t. newman, t. gonzalzes, etc..)
- Bo Jackson would have been top 5 ever rb in history if he stayed healthy
- kickers getting negative points in fantasy is just a dumb rule
- Detroit is a very bad nfl team, they wont make the playoffs for another 5 years, no free agent or draft can fix all the problems they have
- The bengals will flirt with 0-16 this year, I see a 2-14 final record
- Ryan is the ROY right now, but a couple bad games and Forte or Smith would win it from him
- Jay Cutler wasnt that far off when he said he had a better arm then Elway
- If the Skins make the playoffs, I could see Portis getting some MVP votes
- Bart Scott wont be a Raven next year
- Clemson has the best talent in the ACC, and cant win games, Bowden will be gone very soon
- Penn st will be in the national championship game
- I think Usc ends with 2 losses, and the winner of the big 12 game will play psu, with the sec getting one of the open spots in the bcs game along with byu
- conf winners for ncaa will be- Okl, Florida, Vt, Usc, Psu, Pitt---Byu and Bama get at large bids
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Fred Mcguire
Let me start by saying, I rarely try to hold grudges or hatred towards people, but obviously there are certain people that I do. The blog below the person will remain nameless, because I still have respect for him, and there is a salvageable future there. As far as Fred goes, I have no respect, I never want to speak to him again, and I don't really care who knows that, and more importantly, I don't care who knows the things he has done.
I have known Fred for most of my life. I don't want this to seem like I am talking behind his back. Everything I am writing, I have told to him numerous times, and most of his best friends know the stories also, and all they can say to me is "thats Fred, you have to deal with things like that from him"
Like I said, I have known him most of my life, and we have always been friends, sometimes closer then other times, but the whole time friends. Once I graduated and moved home, we became closer again, and over the last couple of years became very close. Then about 2 years ago, I found myself in a situation where I was living by myself in my house, and he was getting evicted from his house because his landlord was selling the house. It made sense that Fred could move in with me. We set everything up, and he moved his stuff in. The whole time we lived together, things were going well, he always paid rent and utilities on time. There were things that bothered me, but that is just something I dealt with.(he never bought any thing for the house, but used everything, ex. toothpaste, tp, paper towels, etc..)
After about 4 months of living there, he tells me he may be moving to Charlotte sometime in the future. That was all he mentions about it. Over the next 3 months, things got very weird and shady with him. He started avoiding me, and he would only come home when he knew I would be asleep, and then he would be gone to work by the time I woke up. He stopped paying rent, and would leave me notes on the counter telling me he knew he owed me money, and that he would get it to me.
I would see him out at a bar, or at a friends house, and he would act like everything was great, because he knew I wouldn't bring up roommate issues at a bar or a friends house, and then I wouldn't see him for another couple of weeks. He started getting sneaky, he would stay at his parents house or a friends house, just to avoid me.
Finally, after a whole bunch of drama and excuses and other shit, he tells me he is moving out in 2 weeks to go to Charlotte. I tell him fine, but he hasn't paid rent in 2 months, and the third month of rent is coming up due in a week. He knows that will be $2400, so he gives me $400 then, and tells me hell give me more before he moves, and then mail me up the rest. I believed him, and I know how expensive it can get moving, so I let him go. 2 weeks passes and he is still there, and I talk to him, and he says is going to be another month before he moves. The next day he starts all the shadiness again, and I never see him. We exchange notes on the counter, and then I wake up one day, and he is gone. He waited until a night when I was sleeping out, packed up his whole room and left. He didn't say by to any of his friends, didn't give me any money, he just left like he was the Baltimore Colts.
When I told all his best friends that he had just left, they were shocked and upset that he didn't say bye to them. I was upset about that, but also that he had ran his tab up to $2800 with me, and didn't leave me any money. Fast forward 3 months now. I have been emailing, calling, texting, etc.. him to talk to me about the money he owed me. He ignored everything, wouldn't talk to me, but at the same time would be talking to my friends who were also his friends. Eventually, he would write back to me, telling me he was going to mail up a check, and then he wouldn't and he would duck me again.
The bottom line is I will never see that money, and probably never see Fred again. It just bothers me, that I was such a bad judge of character to not only be friends with someone like that, but to let them into my house. This man left a state without telling any of his friends, and owing his landlord/friend close to 3K. He is now moving to Richmond, my guess is he did some bad things in Charlotte, and is ducking out of there like he did Baltimore.
I have known Fred for most of my life. I don't want this to seem like I am talking behind his back. Everything I am writing, I have told to him numerous times, and most of his best friends know the stories also, and all they can say to me is "thats Fred, you have to deal with things like that from him"
Like I said, I have known him most of my life, and we have always been friends, sometimes closer then other times, but the whole time friends. Once I graduated and moved home, we became closer again, and over the last couple of years became very close. Then about 2 years ago, I found myself in a situation where I was living by myself in my house, and he was getting evicted from his house because his landlord was selling the house. It made sense that Fred could move in with me. We set everything up, and he moved his stuff in. The whole time we lived together, things were going well, he always paid rent and utilities on time. There were things that bothered me, but that is just something I dealt with.(he never bought any thing for the house, but used everything, ex. toothpaste, tp, paper towels, etc..)
After about 4 months of living there, he tells me he may be moving to Charlotte sometime in the future. That was all he mentions about it. Over the next 3 months, things got very weird and shady with him. He started avoiding me, and he would only come home when he knew I would be asleep, and then he would be gone to work by the time I woke up. He stopped paying rent, and would leave me notes on the counter telling me he knew he owed me money, and that he would get it to me.
I would see him out at a bar, or at a friends house, and he would act like everything was great, because he knew I wouldn't bring up roommate issues at a bar or a friends house, and then I wouldn't see him for another couple of weeks. He started getting sneaky, he would stay at his parents house or a friends house, just to avoid me.
Finally, after a whole bunch of drama and excuses and other shit, he tells me he is moving out in 2 weeks to go to Charlotte. I tell him fine, but he hasn't paid rent in 2 months, and the third month of rent is coming up due in a week. He knows that will be $2400, so he gives me $400 then, and tells me hell give me more before he moves, and then mail me up the rest. I believed him, and I know how expensive it can get moving, so I let him go. 2 weeks passes and he is still there, and I talk to him, and he says is going to be another month before he moves. The next day he starts all the shadiness again, and I never see him. We exchange notes on the counter, and then I wake up one day, and he is gone. He waited until a night when I was sleeping out, packed up his whole room and left. He didn't say by to any of his friends, didn't give me any money, he just left like he was the Baltimore Colts.
When I told all his best friends that he had just left, they were shocked and upset that he didn't say bye to them. I was upset about that, but also that he had ran his tab up to $2800 with me, and didn't leave me any money. Fast forward 3 months now. I have been emailing, calling, texting, etc.. him to talk to me about the money he owed me. He ignored everything, wouldn't talk to me, but at the same time would be talking to my friends who were also his friends. Eventually, he would write back to me, telling me he was going to mail up a check, and then he wouldn't and he would duck me again.
The bottom line is I will never see that money, and probably never see Fred again. It just bothers me, that I was such a bad judge of character to not only be friends with someone like that, but to let them into my house. This man left a state without telling any of his friends, and owing his landlord/friend close to 3K. He is now moving to Richmond, my guess is he did some bad things in Charlotte, and is ducking out of there like he did Baltimore.
Why am I holding on to this hatred??
I have a friend that used to be a best friend, who for some reason I can't let go of my hatred and loss of respect for him. Throughout his whole life he has always been a little sketchy and shady, but when it came down to it, he was always there for his friends and he would do everything and anything for them. About 3 years ago, he moved out west and that is when it all changed for me.
This friend and I were the main people in each other's lives that we could always ask for pretty large sums of money, and we would lend it to each other without thinking twice about it, because we knew we were good for it, and we also played high stakes poker together and we knew how it could get sometimes. Money was never an issue with us. When he left to move out west, he left owing me approx $1000, which he had borrowed over time the previous 2 months before that. He also left owing about 4 other people a combine $2000. To this day, I have not seen a cent of that money, and everyone thinks because of that, that is why I haven't let go of the hatred. The fact is, that has nothing to do about it, and if he were to ever move back here I would probably not even bring it up unless he did. I have never let money influence anything in my life.
My wedding was set for early July,that meant my friend would be in his new state for about 2.5 months before hand. He was a groomsman in my wedding. There was speculation from everyone that he would not come in town, but no person would be a groomsmen and then not show up, and if they did, they would give notice. Time approached closer, and I never heard from him, then I got nervous when his roommate out west was calling me getting details about the wedding and telling me how excited he was to come in town. He never said anything about my other friend. Finally, it is the day before my wedding and everyone is in town, except for my friend who was a groomsmen. He never called, he hadn't returned my 30some calls over the last 2 months, nothing... Instead, he told 2 other guys in my wedding to tell me he was sorry for not coming and that was it. He managed to call my house and leave 2 messages for me that weekend telling me he was sorry he never made it. He called the HOUSE during the rehearsal dinner and during the actual wedding; 2 times he knew 100% I would not be home. I knew he was wasting money and doing drugs and gambling out there, but I didn't think that would make him do this. since then, he has never once explained to me what happened and why he didn't come, and more importantly he has never even apologized for it.
It all would have been fine, if I knew in advance he wasn't going to come, and even after the wedding, if he would have explained himself or even apologized.
About 2 months before he left, I introduced him to a group of older men that I play poker with. i was playing a regular game once a week at this guy's house, and I slowly brought him into that scene. The guy had a multi-million dollar house, and my friend(who was a painter) convinced him to let him paint the house. The owner of the house was very skeptical because he barely knew this person who was asking for 80% of the bill upfront in cash, so he asked me about him. I vouched for him, and said he would def. do it and not be shady. 1.5 months pass and my friend has moved out west with 90% of the cash from the guy, and has left a house half painted. The owner was pissed and was asking me every day about him, and I kept saying, don't worry, He will be home for my wedding weekend and he can finish then. My friend never once called the house owner or me to explain anything. He just ran off with the money, and left me looking awful and embarrassed to a group of men that I had not only become close with, but were all close friends with my uncle. I am still waiting for an apology and/or and explination for what happened here, and for him to at least acknowledge what he did was crappy.
The final thing that still bothers me is how he handled my fiance's neighbor house. In hind sight, I hate her neighbors so I don't care about them at all, but this just goes to show more my friends character. It was sort of the same situation as above, only I didn't really know these people except that they were best friends of my fiance's parents. He agreed to paint there whole sidings and outside of their house about 4 months before he moved away. He gave them a good price and didn't ask for that much up front. He started to paint and was doing a good job, and then suddenly stopped and disappeared. He never called them, he never answered their calls, and he avoided me at all costs when I brought it up. He ended up ducking them for over 2 months, never called and moved away leaving their house half painted and they had to hire someone else.
Now, over the years anyone that has known him, knows how shady and undependable he can be. But, like I said before he was always there for his friends. This showed me how selfish he was and how he was only looking out for himself. In the 2+ years he has lived out west, numerous people have gone out to visit him. 80% of those people had tried contacting him, never heard from him, and then would get a call from him as they were in the airport getting ready to leave. They had been calling him the whole time they were out there, and he would ignore them until the final day. 15% of the people have actually been with him out there, and he has made plans to get them in places or take them around at night, then he just ignores all calls at night and never talks to them again. The other 5% people have actually seen him and hung out with him, and they just partied with him for a couple hours and then he disappeared again.
Part of me is worried for him, not so much for his immediate health, but for his life overall. I know how he has tendencies to big up big debts and then try to run from them and duck people, and I know that won't work where he is. I also know his addictive personality is more intense then anyone I have ever met, and where he is living, gambling, drugs, and drinking are prevalent 24 hours a day. As much as I want to be worried and be there for him, I am still so hurt and upset by not only the way he treated me when he left, but how over the last 2+ years he has gone out of his way to ignore all of it, and if he calls he tries to just have a bullshit convo, then says he has to go to work when I bring something up.
This friend and I were the main people in each other's lives that we could always ask for pretty large sums of money, and we would lend it to each other without thinking twice about it, because we knew we were good for it, and we also played high stakes poker together and we knew how it could get sometimes. Money was never an issue with us. When he left to move out west, he left owing me approx $1000, which he had borrowed over time the previous 2 months before that. He also left owing about 4 other people a combine $2000. To this day, I have not seen a cent of that money, and everyone thinks because of that, that is why I haven't let go of the hatred. The fact is, that has nothing to do about it, and if he were to ever move back here I would probably not even bring it up unless he did. I have never let money influence anything in my life.
My wedding was set for early July,that meant my friend would be in his new state for about 2.5 months before hand. He was a groomsman in my wedding. There was speculation from everyone that he would not come in town, but no person would be a groomsmen and then not show up, and if they did, they would give notice. Time approached closer, and I never heard from him, then I got nervous when his roommate out west was calling me getting details about the wedding and telling me how excited he was to come in town. He never said anything about my other friend. Finally, it is the day before my wedding and everyone is in town, except for my friend who was a groomsmen. He never called, he hadn't returned my 30some calls over the last 2 months, nothing... Instead, he told 2 other guys in my wedding to tell me he was sorry for not coming and that was it. He managed to call my house and leave 2 messages for me that weekend telling me he was sorry he never made it. He called the HOUSE during the rehearsal dinner and during the actual wedding; 2 times he knew 100% I would not be home. I knew he was wasting money and doing drugs and gambling out there, but I didn't think that would make him do this. since then, he has never once explained to me what happened and why he didn't come, and more importantly he has never even apologized for it.
It all would have been fine, if I knew in advance he wasn't going to come, and even after the wedding, if he would have explained himself or even apologized.
About 2 months before he left, I introduced him to a group of older men that I play poker with. i was playing a regular game once a week at this guy's house, and I slowly brought him into that scene. The guy had a multi-million dollar house, and my friend(who was a painter) convinced him to let him paint the house. The owner of the house was very skeptical because he barely knew this person who was asking for 80% of the bill upfront in cash, so he asked me about him. I vouched for him, and said he would def. do it and not be shady. 1.5 months pass and my friend has moved out west with 90% of the cash from the guy, and has left a house half painted. The owner was pissed and was asking me every day about him, and I kept saying, don't worry, He will be home for my wedding weekend and he can finish then. My friend never once called the house owner or me to explain anything. He just ran off with the money, and left me looking awful and embarrassed to a group of men that I had not only become close with, but were all close friends with my uncle. I am still waiting for an apology and/or and explination for what happened here, and for him to at least acknowledge what he did was crappy.
The final thing that still bothers me is how he handled my fiance's neighbor house. In hind sight, I hate her neighbors so I don't care about them at all, but this just goes to show more my friends character. It was sort of the same situation as above, only I didn't really know these people except that they were best friends of my fiance's parents. He agreed to paint there whole sidings and outside of their house about 4 months before he moved away. He gave them a good price and didn't ask for that much up front. He started to paint and was doing a good job, and then suddenly stopped and disappeared. He never called them, he never answered their calls, and he avoided me at all costs when I brought it up. He ended up ducking them for over 2 months, never called and moved away leaving their house half painted and they had to hire someone else.
Now, over the years anyone that has known him, knows how shady and undependable he can be. But, like I said before he was always there for his friends. This showed me how selfish he was and how he was only looking out for himself. In the 2+ years he has lived out west, numerous people have gone out to visit him. 80% of those people had tried contacting him, never heard from him, and then would get a call from him as they were in the airport getting ready to leave. They had been calling him the whole time they were out there, and he would ignore them until the final day. 15% of the people have actually been with him out there, and he has made plans to get them in places or take them around at night, then he just ignores all calls at night and never talks to them again. The other 5% people have actually seen him and hung out with him, and they just partied with him for a couple hours and then he disappeared again.
Part of me is worried for him, not so much for his immediate health, but for his life overall. I know how he has tendencies to big up big debts and then try to run from them and duck people, and I know that won't work where he is. I also know his addictive personality is more intense then anyone I have ever met, and where he is living, gambling, drugs, and drinking are prevalent 24 hours a day. As much as I want to be worried and be there for him, I am still so hurt and upset by not only the way he treated me when he left, but how over the last 2+ years he has gone out of his way to ignore all of it, and if he calls he tries to just have a bullshit convo, then says he has to go to work when I bring something up.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Friendship
In life you run across numerous people that you can consider a friend. As I have gotten older and started to really think, I have realized there is a huge line between real friends and just casual/party friends. Yes, there can be people that are your best friend and also a party friend, but for the most part they fall into certain categories, and over time you have to start deciding which group is most important to you and who you want to be spending your time with.
I am a very social person, so by nature I have a lot of casual/party friends. These are everyone, that I may see out at bars a lot. Over time we have become friends and we hang out, but we are not really close and the important things in my life have no bearing or importance to them. How is my life going, who am I dating, how's my job, etc....Things like that and other things important to me, are of no meaning to them. To those friends, the things that are important is what bar are we drinking at, which game should we bet on, can I get them any drugs, etc...To them, if I am not out at a bar or I decide I want to hang out, but I am not drinking heavy with them, there response is along the lines of me being a pussy or me being no fun. They only know me as someone they can have fun with, and they have never bothered to take the time to actually know me. In actuality, they should be saying, Jason-I see you aren't at the bars as much or you haven't been drinking as much, is everything ok with you?? The bottom line is this group of friends is great to have to hang out with, but in my overall life, it is becoming clearer and clearer that I need to distance myself from this group and become closer with the group that actually cares about me, and not about what bar I went to and if I was blacked out or not.
The other group of friends I have are the group that I consider my good and best friends. Yes, the majority of these people are also party friends and people I go out with, but that is mainly because I choose to spend my time with them. we can have a good time together at a bar, but at the same time we can have a good time just sitting and watching tv, or just grabbing food, or playing golf; mainly we can have a good time without having it have to be at a bar or huge social setting. These people care about my life and the decisions I make in my life, and they may not talk to me about all the time and ask me about it all the time( we are guys, and not everyone is as open and a dork as I am), but I know they care and I know that if I need something or someone to talk to,they will be there for me. These are the friends that I need to stay close with and even try to get closer too.
I fell over the last 2 years or so, I have let the first group of my friend control me and the majority of my decisions, and it's time for me to not only take control back of my own life, but at the same time start to shy away from that first group, and only hang out with them on my time and my terms, not because they are all out at a bar and they want me to come hang out with them, because if I didn't' come up and hang out with them, they wouldn't care at all and they probably wouldn't even notice if I was there or not. I do have a group of people in that first category that I know I could be good friends with, the question is will they ever see past the partying and the drinking to notice it.
I am a very social person, so by nature I have a lot of casual/party friends. These are everyone, that I may see out at bars a lot. Over time we have become friends and we hang out, but we are not really close and the important things in my life have no bearing or importance to them. How is my life going, who am I dating, how's my job, etc....Things like that and other things important to me, are of no meaning to them. To those friends, the things that are important is what bar are we drinking at, which game should we bet on, can I get them any drugs, etc...To them, if I am not out at a bar or I decide I want to hang out, but I am not drinking heavy with them, there response is along the lines of me being a pussy or me being no fun. They only know me as someone they can have fun with, and they have never bothered to take the time to actually know me. In actuality, they should be saying, Jason-I see you aren't at the bars as much or you haven't been drinking as much, is everything ok with you?? The bottom line is this group of friends is great to have to hang out with, but in my overall life, it is becoming clearer and clearer that I need to distance myself from this group and become closer with the group that actually cares about me, and not about what bar I went to and if I was blacked out or not.
The other group of friends I have are the group that I consider my good and best friends. Yes, the majority of these people are also party friends and people I go out with, but that is mainly because I choose to spend my time with them. we can have a good time together at a bar, but at the same time we can have a good time just sitting and watching tv, or just grabbing food, or playing golf; mainly we can have a good time without having it have to be at a bar or huge social setting. These people care about my life and the decisions I make in my life, and they may not talk to me about all the time and ask me about it all the time( we are guys, and not everyone is as open and a dork as I am), but I know they care and I know that if I need something or someone to talk to,they will be there for me. These are the friends that I need to stay close with and even try to get closer too.
I fell over the last 2 years or so, I have let the first group of my friend control me and the majority of my decisions, and it's time for me to not only take control back of my own life, but at the same time start to shy away from that first group, and only hang out with them on my time and my terms, not because they are all out at a bar and they want me to come hang out with them, because if I didn't' come up and hang out with them, they wouldn't care at all and they probably wouldn't even notice if I was there or not. I do have a group of people in that first category that I know I could be good friends with, the question is will they ever see past the partying and the drinking to notice it.
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