The more I evaluate my life and the more I talk to both my guy friends and my girl friends, I realize that everyone seems to at one time or another have a problem determining when someone is a friend and when there maybe feelings there and maybe you could like each other more than friends, but either both of you or one of you doesn't want to take that next step to find out.
I don't think that there is any way to stop this or make this better, but I find it funny that so many people are not willing to take that chance to see if there could be something there more than friends. It may be just me, but I feel the best relationships are based on friend ship and being close with some.
When i find my true love and the person I want to be with, I want that person to not only be my girlfriend and wife, but also my best friend.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Learned from dating
Now that I have been dating recently, I have learned how many truly crazy people there are out there in the world. I guess because I have always been in a relationship, and haven't dated recently, but I am meeting and seeing some truly crazy things.
As I was told by someone you should date to find the type of girls you don't like and the things that you don't find attractive, so you have a better idea what you like and what you are looking for.
I have learned so much about myself and what I look for in a women, that I would have never found out if I did not go on all these dates.
As I was told by someone you should date to find the type of girls you don't like and the things that you don't find attractive, so you have a better idea what you like and what you are looking for.
I have learned so much about myself and what I look for in a women, that I would have never found out if I did not go on all these dates.
Having Kids
I was asked the other day if I would consider having a kid out of wedlock. I answered her with an immediate yes and came up with a reason why, but I have not been able to stop thinking about that since I was asked that question. There are so many answers I have to that question, and most of those answers lead me to more questions.
I automatically said that I would, but that it would depend on the girl. I do not want to just have a kid with someone I am not close with, but I could see myself being very close and in love with someone, but not being married to them, and still wanting to have a kid with them. It also made me think, if I was good friends with someone, could I have a kid with them, even if I knew me and her would never be married. I don't know if I could do that, but then again, I don't know exactly what I want in my life.
I guess I view things very differently when it comes to parents being married to raise a kid compared to the way most people think about it. I grew up as an only child whose parents got divorced when I was 6. I was able to see people who were not married raise a child and they both had so much love and care for me and they would both do anything they could for me. There was never a time, when they would bad mouth each other or try to use me to get to the other one or anything like that. I think that is a large part of why I would consider having a kid with someone "out of wedlock"
I also know what I would look for when I was looking for a women to be the mother of my child, and honestly, her love towards me, is not one of the top things. Obviously, if I was married, it would make things easier and would teach the kid about true love and family, but I think family values and love can be taught and learned even if the parents are not married, as long as the mother and father both have respect for each other and undevoted love towards the kid.
To me, I want the mother of my child to be a great women, who is loving and caring and smart, and someone I feel overall would be a great influence and someone that I would want my daughter to grow up and be like.
I automatically said that I would, but that it would depend on the girl. I do not want to just have a kid with someone I am not close with, but I could see myself being very close and in love with someone, but not being married to them, and still wanting to have a kid with them. It also made me think, if I was good friends with someone, could I have a kid with them, even if I knew me and her would never be married. I don't know if I could do that, but then again, I don't know exactly what I want in my life.
I guess I view things very differently when it comes to parents being married to raise a kid compared to the way most people think about it. I grew up as an only child whose parents got divorced when I was 6. I was able to see people who were not married raise a child and they both had so much love and care for me and they would both do anything they could for me. There was never a time, when they would bad mouth each other or try to use me to get to the other one or anything like that. I think that is a large part of why I would consider having a kid with someone "out of wedlock"
I also know what I would look for when I was looking for a women to be the mother of my child, and honestly, her love towards me, is not one of the top things. Obviously, if I was married, it would make things easier and would teach the kid about true love and family, but I think family values and love can be taught and learned even if the parents are not married, as long as the mother and father both have respect for each other and undevoted love towards the kid.
To me, I want the mother of my child to be a great women, who is loving and caring and smart, and someone I feel overall would be a great influence and someone that I would want my daughter to grow up and be like.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
More reasons I am happy
I cant stop thinking about how much more happy I am, and i realize that I have cut back on things that I used to love. I realize now, that I really didn't love these things as much as I thought I did, and I was just forcing myself to love them, when in actuality I love many other things, and I love to be able to do what I want to enjoy my life. The first thing is my love of TV. I used to never want to miss certain shows, and I would always make plans around certain shows and things like that. In the last couple of months, I have still been recording shows, but I have not been watching nearly as much tv, and I am ok with it. I realize how much I was putting watching tv above everything else, and looking back I cant believe I was that stupid and that immature.
Another thing is my love of sports. I have always loved sports, but there are plenty of people that love sports, that didn't treat it the way I did. I used to put certain games or events ahead of everything else in life, and I missed out on so much. I messed up friendships and relationships bc I was so intro certain sports, that I didn't pay attention to having fun and enjoying my life. I still love sports, but now I am at the point where I am no longer ever going to put live sports or sports on tv ahead of my life and ahead of being able to have fun with someone. When I look back at how I used to be with regards to sports and tv, I just laugh at myself and realize what an idiot I was, and I am glad I am not like that anymore.
The final thing, is that I am single. I have not been truly single in a very, very long time. I like feeling this way, and I know that is also a big reason of why I am happy. The ironic thing is that I love being in a relationship with someone, and I love having that feeling of knowing that there is someone that cares for you and is always thinking about you, and they are there to listen to you, no matter what you have to say. The flip side of that, is I do like being single right now. I don't like it because I can now go out and flirt or hook up with anyone I want, I like it for what it enables me to do with my life. Being single has enabled me to truly find out more about myself and my life and what I really enjoy doing and what makes me happy. I am able to do whatever I want whenever I want, and I don't have responsibility for anyone else. I know this isn't directly related to being single, but being single does help. The other huge thing I started doing a couple months ago, which is really a help to me being happy is only doing things that I want to do, and not doing things just because someone else wants me to. I used to go to bars or go to certain events or do things that I didn't really want to do. I started only doing things that I want to do with my life and not letting other people dictate what I do.
Another thing is my love of sports. I have always loved sports, but there are plenty of people that love sports, that didn't treat it the way I did. I used to put certain games or events ahead of everything else in life, and I missed out on so much. I messed up friendships and relationships bc I was so intro certain sports, that I didn't pay attention to having fun and enjoying my life. I still love sports, but now I am at the point where I am no longer ever going to put live sports or sports on tv ahead of my life and ahead of being able to have fun with someone. When I look back at how I used to be with regards to sports and tv, I just laugh at myself and realize what an idiot I was, and I am glad I am not like that anymore.
The final thing, is that I am single. I have not been truly single in a very, very long time. I like feeling this way, and I know that is also a big reason of why I am happy. The ironic thing is that I love being in a relationship with someone, and I love having that feeling of knowing that there is someone that cares for you and is always thinking about you, and they are there to listen to you, no matter what you have to say. The flip side of that, is I do like being single right now. I don't like it because I can now go out and flirt or hook up with anyone I want, I like it for what it enables me to do with my life. Being single has enabled me to truly find out more about myself and my life and what I really enjoy doing and what makes me happy. I am able to do whatever I want whenever I want, and I don't have responsibility for anyone else. I know this isn't directly related to being single, but being single does help. The other huge thing I started doing a couple months ago, which is really a help to me being happy is only doing things that I want to do, and not doing things just because someone else wants me to. I used to go to bars or go to certain events or do things that I didn't really want to do. I started only doing things that I want to do with my life and not letting other people dictate what I do.
Finally Happy
For once in my life( I just wanted to start with that line bc I am listening to Stevie Wonder right now) I am finally truly happy. Yes, there are certain things in my life that are not going exactly the way I want them, and they could be better, but overall, I am finally happy.
For as long as I can remember, I have never really been happy. I have acted happy, and put on a bunch of fronts, but there were always things that were keeping me from truly being happy.
I now find myself in a state of mind I am not used to feeling, and I realized last week, that the feeling was just me being happy. I do not want this feeling to go away, and I am sure there are numerous reasons that are playing into this and making me feel this way, and I just hope that this feeling does not go away.
For the last 3+ months, I have tried changing my life around, and I think that these changes are the main reason I am finally happy with my life. I have now completely stopped smoking pot, and I have never felt better. Also, I haven't totally stopped drinking, but I have dramatically cut down the amount of time I spend at bars, and also now, even when I am out, I am drinking way less. I think those two things are playing a huge part in me being happy. Also, I have been eating very healthy and working out all the time. I am finally happy and confident with my body, and I like how I look. I have never in my life felt good or confident about my body, and i was always embarrassed, but now I feel good about it. My new job is going great also. Finally, I think for the first time in a very long time, I have a very good read on my friends, and I know exactly where I stand with all of them. over the years, I think the mixture of my depression, smoking pot, and me not having good self esteem, always made me wonder about my friends, and who my true friends were and things like that. Now, I am truly confident and happy with all of my friends. Also, now that I have been going on some dates and meeting new people, hearing the good things they have to say about me and listening to them talk about why they like me, is def. a confidence builder. It is good to know that people like you.
Obviously, there are some things in my life I wish were different and I wish I could change, that would make me the happiest person in the world, but for now, I am ok with how I feel now and happy with the fact that for the first time, I am truly happy with myself and my life.
For as long as I can remember, I have never really been happy. I have acted happy, and put on a bunch of fronts, but there were always things that were keeping me from truly being happy.
I now find myself in a state of mind I am not used to feeling, and I realized last week, that the feeling was just me being happy. I do not want this feeling to go away, and I am sure there are numerous reasons that are playing into this and making me feel this way, and I just hope that this feeling does not go away.
For the last 3+ months, I have tried changing my life around, and I think that these changes are the main reason I am finally happy with my life. I have now completely stopped smoking pot, and I have never felt better. Also, I haven't totally stopped drinking, but I have dramatically cut down the amount of time I spend at bars, and also now, even when I am out, I am drinking way less. I think those two things are playing a huge part in me being happy. Also, I have been eating very healthy and working out all the time. I am finally happy and confident with my body, and I like how I look. I have never in my life felt good or confident about my body, and i was always embarrassed, but now I feel good about it. My new job is going great also. Finally, I think for the first time in a very long time, I have a very good read on my friends, and I know exactly where I stand with all of them. over the years, I think the mixture of my depression, smoking pot, and me not having good self esteem, always made me wonder about my friends, and who my true friends were and things like that. Now, I am truly confident and happy with all of my friends. Also, now that I have been going on some dates and meeting new people, hearing the good things they have to say about me and listening to them talk about why they like me, is def. a confidence builder. It is good to know that people like you.
Obviously, there are some things in my life I wish were different and I wish I could change, that would make me the happiest person in the world, but for now, I am ok with how I feel now and happy with the fact that for the first time, I am truly happy with myself and my life.
True Love
True Love means different things to different people. but all I know is that once you have and feel true love, that feeling doesn't go away, and if you try to act like it did go away and you push away the feelings, it is just going to make things worse.
True love is always thinking about someone else and always wondering not just what they are doing and how they feel and things like that. From the time you wake up until you fall asleep, you are always thinking about the other person. You wonder how there day is going, you wonder if they are smiling or not, you want to know every detail about there day and their life. Sometimes you think about your friends or family and wonder that stuff, but this is a different type of thinking. This is wondering how their morning went before they left to work, and you want to call them and just talk to them and see how they are and make sure they are happy. True love is wanting to hear every detail about their life and day, and no matter how much you talk to that person, it is never enough and you always want to talk to them and be with them more. True love is looking at a picture and having it make you think of that person, not just think, oh this picture makes me think of that person, but seeing it, smiling, and getting a good happy feeling all over your body.
Sometimes a certain song will be playing where you are, or a show or movie will be playing and it will remind you of a time in your life and it may make you smile or trigger a diff. emotion and make you think of an event or a person, but its a quick thought, and then you just move on. True love is hearing that same song or seeing that same show and having it make you not only think about the person you love, but makes you smile and feels good inside, and it makes you want to call that person and just tell them that you are happy and that you were thinking about them.
Sexually, true love will make any relationship better. Anyone can be in a relationship, and anyone can hook up. When people hook up, it is obv. going to feel good for both people, but it is just hooking up. If you really like someone, the hooking up gets a little better and there is more openness and it starts to feel better. When there is true love between 2 people, it makes the hooking up something that cant even be truly described in words. The closeness that 2 people can feel towards each other, makes hooking up so much better. True Love makes you want the other person so bad, that every time you are around them you want to rip their clothes off and just be with them. It makes you want to turn the other person on, just because you want them to feel good also. True love makes it so two people can lay in bed together, and they don't even need to hook up to feel the love and closeness. Just being able to lie with someone and hold each other in your arms, is just a good as a feeling as the actual hooking up.
True love is a great feeling, but as high as you can get on that feeling, it is also the worst feeling in the world when you had the true love, and now it is gone. The upside of that, is that if it was real and true love, then no matter where the two people go in their separate lives, that true love will not go away, and the closeness and the feelings that are there will always be there.
True love is always thinking about someone else and always wondering not just what they are doing and how they feel and things like that. From the time you wake up until you fall asleep, you are always thinking about the other person. You wonder how there day is going, you wonder if they are smiling or not, you want to know every detail about there day and their life. Sometimes you think about your friends or family and wonder that stuff, but this is a different type of thinking. This is wondering how their morning went before they left to work, and you want to call them and just talk to them and see how they are and make sure they are happy. True love is wanting to hear every detail about their life and day, and no matter how much you talk to that person, it is never enough and you always want to talk to them and be with them more. True love is looking at a picture and having it make you think of that person, not just think, oh this picture makes me think of that person, but seeing it, smiling, and getting a good happy feeling all over your body.
Sometimes a certain song will be playing where you are, or a show or movie will be playing and it will remind you of a time in your life and it may make you smile or trigger a diff. emotion and make you think of an event or a person, but its a quick thought, and then you just move on. True love is hearing that same song or seeing that same show and having it make you not only think about the person you love, but makes you smile and feels good inside, and it makes you want to call that person and just tell them that you are happy and that you were thinking about them.
Sexually, true love will make any relationship better. Anyone can be in a relationship, and anyone can hook up. When people hook up, it is obv. going to feel good for both people, but it is just hooking up. If you really like someone, the hooking up gets a little better and there is more openness and it starts to feel better. When there is true love between 2 people, it makes the hooking up something that cant even be truly described in words. The closeness that 2 people can feel towards each other, makes hooking up so much better. True Love makes you want the other person so bad, that every time you are around them you want to rip their clothes off and just be with them. It makes you want to turn the other person on, just because you want them to feel good also. True love makes it so two people can lay in bed together, and they don't even need to hook up to feel the love and closeness. Just being able to lie with someone and hold each other in your arms, is just a good as a feeling as the actual hooking up.
True love is a great feeling, but as high as you can get on that feeling, it is also the worst feeling in the world when you had the true love, and now it is gone. The upside of that, is that if it was real and true love, then no matter where the two people go in their separate lives, that true love will not go away, and the closeness and the feelings that are there will always be there.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Smoking Pot
For as long as I can remember I have smoked pot. I have gone through phases where I don't do it a lot, but I am still smoking it. For the last 2 months or so, I haven't really smoked, and all the pot I had, I gave to a friend. I have never felt better about myself and my life. I am not saying that at some point in the future I may smoke again, but I will never go back to how I was. I realized that smoking pot was making me even more sad and more depressed, and was part of the reason I was making such bad decisions.
This last weekend, I gave the rest of my pot and my bowl to my buddy. I now own no bowl, no weed, and I have no intention of buying a new bowl or a bag anytime soon!!!
This last weekend, I gave the rest of my pot and my bowl to my buddy. I now own no bowl, no weed, and I have no intention of buying a new bowl or a bag anytime soon!!!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Playing Poker
I like to play poker and I know I am good at it, but for me it is not all about the money. I know a lot of poker players that do it just for the money, and I do like the money part of it, but I get the same thrill from playing for nickels and dimes as I do when I win a 1000 pot. For me, it is about the interaction of the people, and me having the ability to just clear my head. No matter what I am doing in my life, I always have at least 10 different thoughts running through my head, and I am always worried and thinking about other things. When I am doing something I enjoy and that makes me happy, I still have thoughts running through my mind that may make me depressed or confused or things like that.
When I am playing poker, I have no other thoughts. For me, when I play poker, it is just me and the people there and the cards. It is the only thing I can do that makes me happy where I am not thinking about anything else. I love that feeling of being able to do something I enjoy, and just be happy being there, and not having a ton of other things running through my head.
When I am playing poker, I have no other thoughts. For me, when I play poker, it is just me and the people there and the cards. It is the only thing I can do that makes me happy where I am not thinking about anything else. I love that feeling of being able to do something I enjoy, and just be happy being there, and not having a ton of other things running through my head.
Ex's are so happy and in love, whats wrong with me
9 people that I have slept with and/or dated are engaged or living with a guy, and 3 more are in serious relationships with a guy. That is only what I know of. How can 12 people I used to date be so happy with there life, and yet I find myself feeling the complete opposite way? I guess I have to realize that I am just not what any girl is looking for, and girls just date me for fun or to fill a void, or because of some other reason, but over time they realize they want to go another direction in their life, and I get pushed to the side. I never get forgotten, I just slowly get erased from their memory.
The world of Dating
I am now single and in the dating world. This is a world I have not been in for a very, very long time. I tend to meet someone I like, and then I want to be with them and date them. Since I have been going out and going on dates, I am learning a lot about not only myself, but also about different people out there. For most of my life, anyone I have liked or dated has been someone that I either previously knew or was part of my social circle, and it just happened. The problem with that is where I live and always meeting people at bars, gets old, and it is so nice to meet people outside of my circle who do and enjoy many different things, not just going to fed hill bars.
I have never had a lot of self confidence for many reasons, but I never truly( and I still don't really get why) understood why girls liked me and are attracted to me. I am learning more now about why women do like me, and the type of person I truly am. I am realizing now, that because I spent most of my time meeting girls at bars or through my friends at bars, I was only meeting one type of girl, and those girls all had certain values and certain ways of viewing life, and I was starting to think that those were the only girls that were around.
I am now seeing more about the other women that are out there, and what they are like, and what they look for in guys. A friend recently told me that the point of dating is not really to go out and find your true love right away, but to date and find out exactly what you don't like, and that way it will be a lot easier to find the right person for you, because you have a better idea of what you do and don't like.
I am learning that people really like my personality, my eyes, my smile, and just my overall view on life. I guess I never really saw any of those qualities in myself, but I am starting to be more self confident now. I guess it just took meeting some girls outside of my social circle, to start to see what girls see in me.
The flip side of that for me is that I do not think I want to be dating. I have been on dates recently and I have a good time on them, and all that sort of stuff, but I am realizing that after you have a good time on a date, then its time for more dates and you start to get closer, etc.. I do love knowing that people out there like me, it really does help the confidence, but at the same time, I don't necessarily want to go out with someone I may or may not like, and then have them start to like me, and all of a sudden, I find myself in a relationship, and I am not ready for that yet.
The ultimate question I have to ask myself, is am I ready to go on these dates, am I ready to start dating just one girl, why do I feel the need to keep going out with these, where do I want my life to go in regards with women? Once I can answer all of these questions for myself, I think I will be truly ready to date again.
I have never had a lot of self confidence for many reasons, but I never truly( and I still don't really get why) understood why girls liked me and are attracted to me. I am learning more now about why women do like me, and the type of person I truly am. I am realizing now, that because I spent most of my time meeting girls at bars or through my friends at bars, I was only meeting one type of girl, and those girls all had certain values and certain ways of viewing life, and I was starting to think that those were the only girls that were around.
I am now seeing more about the other women that are out there, and what they are like, and what they look for in guys. A friend recently told me that the point of dating is not really to go out and find your true love right away, but to date and find out exactly what you don't like, and that way it will be a lot easier to find the right person for you, because you have a better idea of what you do and don't like.
I am learning that people really like my personality, my eyes, my smile, and just my overall view on life. I guess I never really saw any of those qualities in myself, but I am starting to be more self confident now. I guess it just took meeting some girls outside of my social circle, to start to see what girls see in me.
The flip side of that for me is that I do not think I want to be dating. I have been on dates recently and I have a good time on them, and all that sort of stuff, but I am realizing that after you have a good time on a date, then its time for more dates and you start to get closer, etc.. I do love knowing that people out there like me, it really does help the confidence, but at the same time, I don't necessarily want to go out with someone I may or may not like, and then have them start to like me, and all of a sudden, I find myself in a relationship, and I am not ready for that yet.
The ultimate question I have to ask myself, is am I ready to go on these dates, am I ready to start dating just one girl, why do I feel the need to keep going out with these, where do I want my life to go in regards with women? Once I can answer all of these questions for myself, I think I will be truly ready to date again.
Saying I love you
I have learned over the years, that the term I love you is becoming over used and watered down for lack of a better term. People get in a relationhship wiht someone, and they are having a good time, and thinking that they may care for someone, and they start throwing that term around. I used to think that saying that to someone was something special, and it was something that should only be said to someone if you truly mean it and if you truly do love someone. Telling someone that you are starting to fall for them, or that you can see your self falling in love with them is pointless and is just hurtful. A person should just know if they love somone or if they just really like someone and really get along with each other. It is un fair to play with someone's emotions like that.
Moving on
Moving on from something is one of the hardest things to do in your life, and I used to think it was just me that had a very hard time with it, but it seems to me that most people find it hard to move on be it from a job, relationship, house, etc..
I find myself in a situation now where I am moving on from a job and a relationship, and it is harder than I thought.
I find myself in a situation now where I am moving on from a job and a relationship, and it is harder than I thought.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)