As I have learned, the most important thing to being happy in your life is being able to be happy with yourself and to be proud of the person that you are. For a long time in my life I thought I was happy with my life but I realized I was not happy with myself and the things I was doing in my life that I thought were making me happy, were not at all. I worked very, very hard on myself and how I lived my life to become a person that I was proud of and I was able to lead a life I was proud of.
Recently, I have de-gressed a lot and I am back to being a person I am not happy with and a person I am not proud of. The problem is I keep making excuses for the way I act instead of doing things to change the negative things I am doing. I know what is wrong with me and I know what I want to be doing in my life and I know what I do not want to be doing, and yet, I keep finding myself trending towards the things I should not be doing. Instead of getting help for that and working on keeping myself happy and working on living a life I can be proud of, I keep doing things to bring myself down and I keep making excuses and using things as a crutch that I shouldnt.
A friend recently told me that they "truly think you are in a sturggle between who you want to be and who you are and the who you are wins over" She then told me that it was obvious to her and in turn should have been obvious to myself that I was starting to slip back into the old way, and instead of stopping it and dealing with it, I just let it happen.
I realize now I need to stop using all the negative things that have happenned in my life as excuses and I need to man up and do everything I can to get my life back to a life that I can be proud of.
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