reunion

My 10-year reunion was this past weekend, and it went pretty much how I expected it to. People catching up, exaggerating their life and what they are currently doing, getting very drunk, the end. The flip side is that I had to plan the whole thing, since our president is the worse. I know I complain about it, but at the same time, I enjoy planning and organizing things like that.

The weird thing was I was still a little nervous the week leading up to it, and very nervous that day. I was not nervous for some of the reasons you would expect people to be nervous for a thing like that( some people actually told me these were reasons they almost didn't come); i was a dork in high school and no one will talk to me, i was embarrassed about certain things so I didn't want to go, i didn't like this person 10 years ago, so I have no reason to go and hang out with them, etc...
I was nervous, because I had planned it, and I wanted to make sure it went well and that every person there had a good time. I'm sure anyone that would have planned it, would have thought that for a minute, but that feeling stuck with me. That leads to a deeper feeling that I am trying to stop, but for some reason I can not.
I feel the need to always make sure other people are happy and I will do whatever I can to make them that way. Some call it being a push-over or a pussy, but it is not exactly like that. I am trying to lead my life for myself; only doing what I want, when I want to do it, not going somewhere or doing something because someone else want me to. Yet, when something like this comes up, I fall right back into the trap of making sure everyone is happy, and not for one second thinking about myself or caring if I was very happy.
The truth is, I didn't want to plan it, and I wasn't 100% sold on going to it. But over the last year, I had gotten calls and emails asking me the details about it, and our president called me and said she wasn't going to do it at all, I just took it upon myself to plan it. I didn't do that for myself, I did it so everyone would have a 10 year reunion, and everyone would be happy.
I would like to think that 10 years after high school, I can lead my life for myself, and not based on other people, but it looks like I still have a ton of growing up to do.