Matchmaking club in Baltimore

This was an email I sent out to most of the people I know for the idea I am working on. It is still a work in progress, and I have already gotten some great feedback on it, and I am taking every comment and trying to make sure I address it and make this work.

Before you read this, I will tell you that this email is pretty long, but I would appreciate any feedback or ideas etc. that you could provide for me. This is something I have been thinking about doing for a while and I have been doing the research and getting everything together on the back end( legal stuff, privacy issues, web page, etc.) and that is almost done, so now it is moving to the stage of just getting it up and running. Again, I am sorry for the length of the email, but I would like any ideas or suggestions about pros and cons about any of the things listed below. The business I am starting is in essence a matchmaking dating service. Imagine if you take parts of internet dating, meeting people out, and millionaire matchmaker (yes, I watch that show, save the making fun of me for another time) and altering them and combining them into something that the average person can do and it will actually work.( I will go into the cons of the other things below). This will be a way to match people up for what they exactly are looking for, with real information and real wants and not just fake stuff that is either said when drunk at a bar or fake stuff typed into a web page.



This idea has been on my mind for a while and between getting ideas from the show, and talking to all of my friends and a couple other influences, I have decided that this is a great idea and it could do very well in Baltimore. I know there are going to be hurdles and roadblocks to getting this up and running, but I can handle most of them outside of the people( the logistical stuff), but below are what I see being some roadblocks/oppositions coming from the people directly( and they are going to be all of my clients). Also, below I will explain a little bit about how it is going to work with price and set up, but again just know this is still a work in progress. My business plan for this is way more descriptive and way more detailed, but I will not get into all of that with you guys.



I just want you to think for a second, even if you are in a relationship, about how many times you have asked someone you know to set you up with someone or if they know anyone or you have been asked that? How many times have you dated someone or your friend is dating someone that, you can tell the connection isn’t really there, but they are still dating just to either have someone to date or because they just wanted to settle, and you can just tell they are not good together.? This last one is something I think that is so huge, and so many people I know do this, and it kills me, because I know if people just took the time, it could be so different. How many times do you know someone that would be perfect for someone else, because you know both of them, and yet one of the people may know that person or have heard something about that person etc., and because of that, they are very hesitant. That is one of the worst things. A lot of this that is putting this in motion is 5 separate conversations I had this weekend with people either asking me to set them up with someone or if I knew someone for them (3 girls, 1 guy) and then someone else complaining to me how they had been dating someone for about 2 months, and it was just ok, but they couldn’t be themselves, and it was fun to date them, but they just wanted someone they could be themselves with. I think one of the worst things I see, is people dating and hooking up just to do it, and there is really no connection or true liking each other going on. If you are still reading this email, I thank you.



The overall premise of this is to have a club for lack of a better term. In this will be guys and girls that both pay a fee (still working on if it is going to be monthly or annually etc, and how much exactly. I feel $20 is too low per month, but $50 is too high, so I am working on some things). In that club, they would sit down (interview style, and I will get into why this is better then just going out to a bar and online dating later), and go over in detail who they are, what they are looking for exactly and the problems they have had with previous people they have dated and good things they have had in previous relationships etc. It would be a full interview, and it will get us a chance to match you up with someone you are truly you are looking for and someone you can truly enjoy your time with.



Once that is done, all of their information is saved and they are now in the club. This club will always be looking to set people up, it may be a set of 2 to 3 mini blind dates, and then whichever you have the best connection with you go on a real date, or a mixer. There are plenty of ideas I have, but it depends on what the two people are all about and what they like to do etc. It will be something that once you start dating someone, then for now you are out and will not be set up on any more dates or tried to be matched with someone, but you are always welcome to come back in. I know this all sounds vague, but this is an ever-growing group, and there will always be people that I (and my team) will work on to make sure it is a good match for you. This is a great way to not only get to meet people and go on dates with someone, but you know that the person you are going out with is someone that is similar to you in what they like and what they are looking for, and you know that there is at least some connection. There are about 4 more pages in my business plan about the specifics of all of this, but I think the point is pretty obvious now. Any other specific questions, please ask me.



On the other end, I can think of 3 HUGE problems that will come from this. These are a combination of problems/roadblocks that I know people will put up.( Also, I have a lawyer helping with some of the legalities of this, but if any of you know a lawyer or are a lawyer and want to help, let me know.) I will list what I see the biggest objections being below and I would like some feed back on what you think about them. I think they are going to be the attitude that people will have about it and the fact that internet dating is becoming more and more popular. I also know that other issues will come up, and until people meet and actually start dating and our happy, it will be harder to get people to join, but I know this is a good idea and this is going to happen.



When I say the attitude that people will have, that is encompassing so many things. There will be so many objections that people will come up with, and I think these are my biggest obstacle, and this is what I have to get past and overcome to make this work. The first is the stubbornness and cockiness of people that would think they would never do this. I figure this will come from mainly the men, but again, this will only work if I have men and women both doing it. There are so many people that will think, why would I do this, I can just go out to a bar and meet someone, or I would never pay for anything like this, I have no problem meeting some one. I can see that point, and even the most social, outgoing people still could benefit for this. I look at it this way, if you only just want to go to a bar to meet someone and just want to get numbers and hook up and maybe go on a date or two, that is fine. But, if you are looking for someone to date and someone that you can actually be with, being able to get someone’s number a bar doesn’t do anything. If that is the case, everyone would just to go a bar after midnight any night of the week, find the single people in there and get all the numbers. That is easy to do, but most people do not want that. They want to meet someone that they get along with and can be themselves with and can just enjoy being around. I think this is a way to counter that since this will be people that are matched up based on things you like and have in common etc. I talk to so many people that are dating someone they met somewhere, and even after a month or two, they are still saying they cant be themselves and they are not really happy. The point of this club is to stop that from happening.



Another thing about the attitude (and I think this is a bigger one) is the embarrassment factor of it. This is tough for me to truly grasp, because I do not get embarrassed about much and I am a very open person, but I know there are plenty of people that would be embarrassed. I know so many people that use online dating, yet they would never admit it to anyone and when they talk about they whisper about it, like it is the worst thing in the world. I think for the people getting embarrassed about this or something like online dating, they are viewing it all wrong. What is so wrong with doing this? What you are doing is being pro-active and trying to find someone that you could actually date and have things in common with and will enjoy being with. People go out and spend tons of money at bars and meet people wasted and that rarely works. Those same people along with so many others, sit around and may like someone or may want to ask someone out, but they never do. I can understand being embarrassed about it, if you feel like it is a way of admitting some sort of failure or that you can’t meet someone, and that could not be more opposite of what it is. Doing something like this is just another way to meet people. If you are always going to the same places, or meeting the same people, this is a way to branch out and meet people that you would never have had the change to meet in the first place.



Another thing about the attitude of all of this it, is that it is Baltimore, and there is a chance that you will know people in the club and you may even end up on a date with someone that you know or that you have heard of etc.. That should not even be a concern. It is amazing to me, how people ask me to set them up or if I know anyone, and they say, “ oh, I know them or I have heard of them, I would never date them” They say that maybe based one time meeting them or one time seeing them or some story they have heard, and they may not even know if that is true or not. It is amazing, I have a guy I know that would be perfect for one of my girlfriends. They truly have almost every single thing in common, and I know they are both looking for similar things, but because they have met before, the girl is refusing to go out with him. I just do not get that, if this matchmaking matches you up, just give it a shot. There is nothing wrong with it, and you have no idea of knowing what you are truly missing out there.



Obviously the other big concern/obstacle/competition is online dating. I am not going to get into how I feel about online dating( you can see my blog for that), but this would pretty much take all the negatives about online dating and remove them, and still leave the positives for it. Here are the biggest issues/problems with online dating. The things that people list on their profile are almost never true and honest and they are normally just what they think people want to hear. The pictures that are on there are either just old or not reflective at all about what they really look like. There are tons and tons of creepy people out there. You have no idea if the person you are talking to wants to just hook up, if they want to date, if they want to date twice and then get married, etc.. So many people are just so fake and not true on there and lie about so much, that it normally ends up not working. I know so many people that have gone on dates and met people etc. from there, and it may be fun at first, but it normally ends up not working. People pay so much money for all of this, and it is just so fake most of the time.

With what I am doing, every person in the club will have been met by my team, interviewed, and truly asked about what they really want and what they are really looking for, etc. If someone wants to be able to date someone that they can sit around and just be goofy and silly with and not go out and play games with etc., that will be known. If someone is looking for a super serious relationship that will be known. It will be way more open, and obviously people that are just creepy or are just out just to hook up will not be allowed.



Another huge problem, is how many people could I actually get to do this. I know at the beginning it will be small, but over time it will be grow. I know this is a good idea and I know that people would def. be interested, but it is a matter of them actually doing it.



I know more objections and problems will come up along the way, but I also know that all of the positive things that can come out of this are endless. If you have read this whole email, I thank you. If you have any suggestions or ideas or criticism and other reasons you think this will not work, please let me know. Also, if you know anyone else that you think would have ideas on this, or could help with this or would be interested in this, please let me know.

Why can't we be friends

I am not sure if it because of the age that we all are or if that a lot of this happens in a social scene, but is seems harder and harder to talk to someone or meet someone etc. and have it just be as a friend. Someone like me, I am very social, very outgoing, and I like to have fun and enjoy life. I have a lot of friends, and a good % of them are girls.

If we are all out or I am out somewhere, and I see one of my friends and get introduced to one of their friends, and we start talking, that doesn't mean I like her, that doesn't mean I want to date her etc.. If me and one of my friends are talking and we plan to go out and get some food or just hang out, that doesn't mean that we are going to date, it doesn't mean we like each other, we could both be dating someone for that matter. The point is that guys and girls can be friends and hang out and talk and it can just be in a friendly way. It seems like to me, that if a guy and a girl talk more then twice, either the guy or the girl automatically assumes that the other one wants them, and that is not always the case. Also, if 2 people are dating and one of them talks to another guy or girl and maybe makes plans to hang out with them, it is automatically assumed that the person wants to flirt etc..

The flip side of all of this, is how would I feel if the girl I was dating had a ton of guy friends, and she was hanging out with them, or if I saw online that she had been talking to one of them etc...If I was dating someone, I would have trust in them. If she was up front and told me that she had a guy friend she was going to hang out with, I would be totally cool with that. IF she hid it from me, that would be another story. The point is that we are all grown ups now, and we should be able to have friends of both sexes and be able to hang out with them without any sexual innuendos being there. I have dated girls that have had guy friends, and over time I have met them, and I am totally fine with her having her life and her friends etc, bc I trust her.

A huge reason for all of this is the internet. Between Facebook and Myspace and all of that, one comment written can be taken the wrong way and it all gets blown up. Just because a guy and a girl may write on each other walls or plan to hang out, or share a joke etc.. that doesn't mean anything. It means they are friends, and more then likely just bored at work or bored at home and are playing online. People read way to much into these web pages, and it gets annoying. Just because 2 people may talk online, doesn't mean that they are going to start dating or whatever. Just because a girl may write on my page, that doesn't mean she wants me, and vice versa.

Somehow over the years, it seems like being able to just be friends with someone and hang out with them as friends has faded away and now people always think that there is an alterier motive, when 99% of the time, there is not.

Internet Dating

This is a very unique and touchy subject to certain people. When my gf first moved out of my house, I got online to try to meet new people. I guess I am sort of different then the typical person that goes online. I am very social and very outgoing and I never have a hard time meeting people and talking to people, getting numbers etc.. Then you start to realize that over time,you get sick of meeting the same people and same type of people in bars. You want to expand and try to meet people that you would never have met before. When you meet someone in a bar, you don't really get to know them, you just meet them in the dark while drunk etc.. Online dating is a great way to meet people that you would never meet if you didn't. I have no idea why people look down on it and/or view it in a negative way. When I hear people talk about it, it is in a whisper and they are afraid of being judged or something like that.

Every single person I know that has been or is currently using online dating is a great person, they are just really sick of meeting people in the same areas at the same places, and want to try something different. I have no idea what it is looked at in such a negative way. My guy friends that view it in a negative way, sort of view it as, it is so easy to go down the street and meet a girl at a bar, why do you have to go online? My answer to them was, yes it is pretty easy, but at the end of the day you want more then that, and you do not just want to meet girls at bars every night. If you are just looking for a quick hook up then that is fine, but overall meeting people at bars all the time just gets old.

In my experience, I met some pretty awesome girls, and I also met/talked to some truly crazy ones. I have a lot of friends that use online dating( 98% of them are girls) and we talk about it a lot, and one thing that always bothered me was that everyone writes the same sort of thing on their profile, they use pictures that could be from years ago etc.. My girlfriends that are online are always asking me, what type of stuff does a guy look for and what type of stuff does a guy want to see. I have no answer for them, because, in actuality all guys are different. Some are just looking to hook up, some are looking to date, some are looking just to meet people etc..

The point of all of this, is that I stopped it, but I do not regret it. I was thinking the other night that if I ever got back on, I would not be generic and have what every other single person ( guy and girl ) has on their profile, and I would be 100% honest about what I want and what I am looking for. The truth of the matter is that that 95% of the things that you read about profile are just put in there because that is what they think other people will want to read, and that totally defeats the purpose of going online to try to meet new people.

This is what I would put as my profile if I were ever to use online dating again, and in reality, this is the trust and this is what I am looking for in the girls I date...

I could sit here and write a profile about what type of person I am like and my interests, but as I have gathered from almost every profile on this web page( both guys and girls), they all mostly say the same thing and then once you meet the person, most of it seems to be a lie or at least heavily exaggerated.

Here is a little about me and a little bit of what I am looking for. I am sorry if this comes across blunt or rude, but I am a very open guy and if people are going to be actually read this, I want them to get a glimpse of the real me.

I am a very nice and friendly guy. I like to have fun. I enjoy my life, and every day I wake up I am happy or excited about something else, and sometimes just happy bc I have no idea where that day is going to take me( besides work etc.) I really can enjoy anything and at this point in my life I do. I like to go out and have a good time with my friends, I like to stay at home and watch tv( I am too embarrassed up front to tell you all of the cheesy, awful shows I watch ), I like to go on vacations, I like to take my dog anywhere outside. These are all things I like to, when I am dating someone, I would also like to be able to these things with them. When I am dating someone, I do not want to be out with my friends, I don’t want to be doing some of things I am doing now. I have a lot of friends, and I am very social. I do not have a problem meeting girls, but after living in federal hill for 3 years now( moving out shortly), I have met so many great people but also so many people whose only intention is to just party and get wasted and that is not what I am looking for in a girl. If you must know some things about me, I have a beagle who I love, I have a great group of friends, both guys and girls, that I love, I will always choose white wine over red, ravens over anyone, hokies over any college. I love all types of music and I am really open to trying anything at least once to see if I like it.

This leads me to what I am looking for in a women and in a girlfriend. This may sound random and all over the place, but I am just being open and honest. Obviously looks are important and so is sexual attraction, but that is far from everything. If you are going to base if you want to date someone off of a random picture online, you are just being very rude. I have friends that are on Match and I have gone out with people on here, and I can say that most people look different then the Match photos they choose to share. Obviously sexual attraction is important, but that is not something that is going to be discovered after 2 dates. What will be discovered is how you act around each other and can you make each other smile, and do you think about them when you are not with them. I want someone who has their own group of friends, I want someone that can go out and hang out with me and my friends and at the same time wouldn’t mind me being with her friends. At the same time, I want to be able to just stay in with her and be with her and not worry about what everyone else is doing. I want someone that I can work out with if we want, we can make dinner together, we could be lazy and order delivery, or we could go out and do something out of the house. The bottom line is I want the person I date to be someone that no matter what I am doing I want to be around her and I want to be thinking of her. I want to know that no matter what happens during the day, good or bad, no matter how small of a deal it is, that she is the first person I would call to tell about it and that she would want to hear about it and vice versa. That doesn’t mean we spend every second together, it means that what ever I make plans to do or vice versa, we want the other one there, unless it is something that is just meant for guys or for girls. At the end of the day, I want the person I am with to not only be my girlfriend but also my best friend.