Am I turning into Amie???

Am I being a total hypracit or am i just over evaluating everythign I do with my life, or am I just doing a combo of both.
I am dating a girl, I really like her, she has told me numerous times how much she likes me and how she is falling for me, and just like this, I am back in a relationship for the 4th time since I broke up with Amie.

I keep telling myself I do not want a relationship, because I am not ready for the commitment, yet I keep getting into them, and then ruining them. On the outside I appear to break these relationships due to me being scared, but with each one, I have either liked another girl during that, or at least been hooking up with someone else. Even right now, I am trying very hard to not do anything behind her back, and here I am flirting every time I am out in public, continously texting and calling other girls, having other girls come over, and most importantly, not telling anyone that I am in a relationship.
Last night, I found myself, watching fireworks under a lite rain storm, totally wrapped up with my girlfriend. It was a great time, and it showed me how much I do like her, but at the same time, there was a part of me that was wondering what some of these other girls were doing, and after my girlfriend left, all i could think of was how hard it was for me not to my other girl up and ask her to come over.
Everyone hates amie for what she did, and she deserves that, but i am doing the same thing??

questions

is it possible to love someone and not be in love with that same person?
can you be a soul mate with someone, and yet not want to be with them?
is it ever possible to overcome not wanting someone physically and be with them mentally?
how do you tell a girl all of these things?
what is she already knows, but is just waiting for you to say them to her?

fireworks....

Will I ever be able to look at the 4th of July the same? One year and one day after my marriage, I find myself sprawled out in my bed, clothes thrown about my house, I dont know where my car is, I dont exactly know how I was able to drive home, and all I can do is lay in my bed, and think about what my life has become in the last year.

They say that paper is the gift to give on your one year anniversary while you are eating a piece of your wedding cake that you have had frozen for the last year. Unfortunetly for me, the only paper I had contact with yesterday was rolling paper used to smoke away my thoughts, and crumbled up recieprs from the bars where I tried to drink away my depression. How did this happen...where did this come from....when will I stop acting like this?

It would be easy of me to blame this all on my ex and say her cheating and lying and ruining of the marriage is to blame for all of this, but I know that is not the case. Of course, it did not help, but overall I just use that as an excuse and as a crutch to justify all the bad desicions I make with my life.

I can sit here and tell my self, that I do not want the next 365 days of my life to mirror the last 365, but it is up to me and only me to make that change.