Getting over her was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. It took me a very, very long time, and even after 3 months, I was not over her. I didn't know if I would truly be able to be over her.
Turns out, when she left me a 2nd time, and I had to get over her all over again, its twice as hard instead of being twice as easy :(
It amazes me that she doesn't go through the same thing, and that she can just move on and stay busy at work and with her friends and her life and not have a worry in the world about me or my life.
Monday, November 9, 2009
sports and music this weekend
- Swifts monologue on SNL was very funny
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/taylor-swift-monologue/1173589/?__cid=thefilter
- The League is quickly becoming the funniest show on tv
- Texas, Tcu, Florida, Bama, LSU, Boise, Oregon, Cincy, Houston, are the 9 best teams in ncaa so far this year, based soley on the games I have seen them play, not on name, not on hype, and not on previous years history, just based on the games they have played this year
- Cincy is not up there with Pitt, Indy, and NE as the class of the AFC
- Joe Mauer should win the mvp this year in baseball
- As bad as the ravens are, they still have at least 4 pro-bowlers in their team
- I know the original was a Beatles song, but the remix of All I need is love for all the blackberry commercials is a great cover song
- Next Tuesday is going to be a very, very long day at work, based on The Ravens having the MNF game
- The spurs are already showing their age with Parker and Duncan both hurt, that is not a good sign for them
- I haven't seen the Carrie Prejean sex tape, is it on the internet at all?
- The Raptors look like they will be the 3 seed in the east behind Clevland and Boston
- Lawrence Taylor had a hit and run accident this weekend and Kat Williams broke into someone's house...Money and Drugs make you do crazy things
- Betting on NCAA fball games is getting easier and easier each week. I wish people would stop going off reputation of teams and actually do the research. People should now better then to take these points that are out there. No one that knows college fball would have taken ND or Oregon.
- Is Terrell Owens still in the NFL?
- Is Sims-Walker for real or a just a one year wonder?
- Is Jada Kiss as hot as it gets?
- Rampage Jackson is in the new A-team movie, that will be a great movie
- For anyone that doesn't think the NFL cares about what games it puts on tv and when, the pats/colts game has been on the Sunday of Sweeps week, every year for the last 6 years, that is not a conciedince
- As much as the Heisman is up in the air right now ( Keenum, Mccoy, Tebow, Ingrim, Suh, etc..) I think the mvp of the NFL is in just as much limbo ( Manning, Brees, Brady, D. Sharper, Favre, Peterson, Palmer(
- Cal will win the big ten in ncaa bball this year, they are a dangerous team
- No one should care about Chad Ochocinco pretending to bribe an official, he is just funny and makes the bengals interesting
- Green Bay looks awful. They can not block and they can not play defense.
- If you haven't seen Sammy Sosa, please watch the video below, WOW
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0911/did.you.see.that.1106/content.11.html
- BEST VIDEO OF THE WEEKEND..the producer doesn't know his mic is on, this was on live tv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPDLO2DzKow
- rhis is what steriods can make you do...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVwxTWVfiho&feature=player_embedded
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/taylor-swift-monologue/1173589/?__cid=thefilter
- The League is quickly becoming the funniest show on tv
- Texas, Tcu, Florida, Bama, LSU, Boise, Oregon, Cincy, Houston, are the 9 best teams in ncaa so far this year, based soley on the games I have seen them play, not on name, not on hype, and not on previous years history, just based on the games they have played this year
- Cincy is not up there with Pitt, Indy, and NE as the class of the AFC
- Joe Mauer should win the mvp this year in baseball
- As bad as the ravens are, they still have at least 4 pro-bowlers in their team
- I know the original was a Beatles song, but the remix of All I need is love for all the blackberry commercials is a great cover song
- Next Tuesday is going to be a very, very long day at work, based on The Ravens having the MNF game
- The spurs are already showing their age with Parker and Duncan both hurt, that is not a good sign for them
- I haven't seen the Carrie Prejean sex tape, is it on the internet at all?
- The Raptors look like they will be the 3 seed in the east behind Clevland and Boston
- Lawrence Taylor had a hit and run accident this weekend and Kat Williams broke into someone's house...Money and Drugs make you do crazy things
- Betting on NCAA fball games is getting easier and easier each week. I wish people would stop going off reputation of teams and actually do the research. People should now better then to take these points that are out there. No one that knows college fball would have taken ND or Oregon.
- Is Terrell Owens still in the NFL?
- Is Sims-Walker for real or a just a one year wonder?
- Is Jada Kiss as hot as it gets?
- Rampage Jackson is in the new A-team movie, that will be a great movie
- For anyone that doesn't think the NFL cares about what games it puts on tv and when, the pats/colts game has been on the Sunday of Sweeps week, every year for the last 6 years, that is not a conciedince
- As much as the Heisman is up in the air right now ( Keenum, Mccoy, Tebow, Ingrim, Suh, etc..) I think the mvp of the NFL is in just as much limbo ( Manning, Brees, Brady, D. Sharper, Favre, Peterson, Palmer(
- Cal will win the big ten in ncaa bball this year, they are a dangerous team
- No one should care about Chad Ochocinco pretending to bribe an official, he is just funny and makes the bengals interesting
- Green Bay looks awful. They can not block and they can not play defense.
- If you haven't seen Sammy Sosa, please watch the video below, WOW
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0911/did.you.see.that.1106/content.11.html
- BEST VIDEO OF THE WEEKEND..the producer doesn't know his mic is on, this was on live tv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPDLO2DzKow
- rhis is what steriods can make you do...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVwxTWVfiho&feature=player_embedded
Monday, November 2, 2009
Daily Log
All this talk about changing my life and getting my life back together has to actually start. Part of all of that, is eating not as shitty, not blowing all my money, not drinking as much, etc... I am starting a daily log of all the money I spend and everything I eat/drink.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Death of a parent
My mom died years ago, and it is something that I will never be able to truly get over. The thing is, sometimes I think it is weird that I do not miss her more or certain things do not make me think of her. An example is, I can watch a show on tv where someone loses their mom, and I don't think about it. Other times, something random will happen or someone will say something random about a topic, and it will trigger thoughts of my mom.
Then there are times like today when it is all I can think about. A buddy of mine, his dad died in his sleep last night. I grew up with him and knew his dad very well. Hearing this news made me think of my mom, and made me miss her very much. It made me just want to drive over to my friends house and give him a hug and tell him it will be ok, but then I remembered that as good as all the cards and hugs and good things that people do and say are, nothing can truly help and nothing can bring that person back. All that can help is being there for that person in any way they need. As I type this, I realize that no words can truly explain what I am thinking now, and what is actually going through my head, but writing things down is the closest thing I have to expressing my feelings.
His death also made me remember how awful it is to lose a parent, and how every day it is happening to someone else. I remember thinking when my mom died, that I never want anyone I know to have to go through the pain of losing a parent. I had friends parents die before my mom, and I was sad, but I never truly got and understood the pain and the loss, because I had not experienced it. I know that sounds crass, but it is true. I knew it was an awful event and I was there to help, but I truly didn't know what to say, how to act, or how to help.
Unfortunately, death happens, and all I can do is be there for people when it happens, and be able to give them a person to talk to about anything and to be there for them, and hope that my experience can somehow help them through their tough time. The loss of a parent, no matter what age, is the hardest thing in life to deal with, and I feel so bad and so awful for anyone that has to feel that pain.
Then there are times like today when it is all I can think about. A buddy of mine, his dad died in his sleep last night. I grew up with him and knew his dad very well. Hearing this news made me think of my mom, and made me miss her very much. It made me just want to drive over to my friends house and give him a hug and tell him it will be ok, but then I remembered that as good as all the cards and hugs and good things that people do and say are, nothing can truly help and nothing can bring that person back. All that can help is being there for that person in any way they need. As I type this, I realize that no words can truly explain what I am thinking now, and what is actually going through my head, but writing things down is the closest thing I have to expressing my feelings.
His death also made me remember how awful it is to lose a parent, and how every day it is happening to someone else. I remember thinking when my mom died, that I never want anyone I know to have to go through the pain of losing a parent. I had friends parents die before my mom, and I was sad, but I never truly got and understood the pain and the loss, because I had not experienced it. I know that sounds crass, but it is true. I knew it was an awful event and I was there to help, but I truly didn't know what to say, how to act, or how to help.
Unfortunately, death happens, and all I can do is be there for people when it happens, and be able to give them a person to talk to about anything and to be there for them, and hope that my experience can somehow help them through their tough time. The loss of a parent, no matter what age, is the hardest thing in life to deal with, and I feel so bad and so awful for anyone that has to feel that pain.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Can dogs remember?
What type of brain do dogs have?
How long can a dog remember someone for?( if you spend a lot of time with a dog, and then you do not see them for a long time, do they remember you)
do they have love or do they just view people as masters?
Can they really tell when you are happy, sad, upset, etc..?
When they lick people, are they showing love, or is that just a reaction?
Do dogs view humans as parents or masters, and can they tell the difference between a normal person and their parents?
How long can a dog remember someone for?( if you spend a lot of time with a dog, and then you do not see them for a long time, do they remember you)
do they have love or do they just view people as masters?
Can they really tell when you are happy, sad, upset, etc..?
When they lick people, are they showing love, or is that just a reaction?
Do dogs view humans as parents or masters, and can they tell the difference between a normal person and their parents?
Sports this weekend
The nba season is now here along with the world series, ncaa and nfl games. This is a prime time for betting (http://withleather.uproxx.com/2009/10/get-ready-for-20-point-lines-next-week). Not only is this a great time for betting, it is a great time if you are a sports fan. Yes, most people can not sit through a whole NBA game, but still, having the high lites is a good thing. There are some great players in the league right now, and they are entertaining.
Most people ( at least out of the people I know) hate either the Yankees or the Phillies or both. That being said, it is still the world series, and this should be a good one. This is the list of HOF players that will be in this world series; Jeter, Arod, rivera, pettite, and posada. You also have these guys that are all about 2-4 years away from being HOF players- Utley, Howard( on pace to have ruthian numbers), rollins, Lee, Sabathia, Hammels, and Lidge. This should be a great series. As far as NCAA goes, we are now at the 2nd week of the BCS polls being out, and every day there is a new debate about where teams should be ranked and who is better( a 1 loss USC or an undefeated TCU etc..), but what makes college football the best sport around, is that every game really does matter, and it will all play out. You always here announcers say "must win game", but the bottom line is, that in college every game is a must win, if you want to play for the national champ. I have my own theories of who will end up where, and things like that, but that is for another time.
The nfl has hit a point in the season where we new who the top 10 teams are, and we also know who the 10 worst teams are. The playoffs should be very good this year. Everyone has their own opinion of who is the best and who is the worst, but in the AFC Pitt, Indy, Denver, Ne, and Bmore look like the 5 best teams with the Jets, Chargers and Bengals there, but we will see. I know I am biased and have the Ravens better then the Bengals, I just think by the end of the year the Ravens will be better as long as we can stay healthy. In the NFC the Saints, Giants, Vikings look like the class of that division with teams like the Packers, Falcons and some others hanging around, but I can not see a team that is not one of those top 3 making it to the super bowl.
Some other random thoughts I have about sports:
- I do not see any way the Orioles will be able to compete for a playoff spot within the next 5 years
- The office is getting way less funny, where as Always Sunny is getting funnier
- When Palamalu is healthy, the Steelers have one of the top 3 def in the NFL
- Michigan paid a team $500,000 to come to their stadium and play them for homecoming. That team took 2 losses that day, because they forfeited the game they had schedule, just so they could get that pay day. This is what the economy has come to, its sad
- Either P. Manning, Brees, or Rothelisburger will win the MVP, no one else is in the race
- Harvin may have clinched ROY on Sunday
- Willie Parker is done in Clev.
- QB is the most important position in the NFL, look at the good teams, look at the bad teams. Unless you have a top 5 def of all time( 2000 ravens) you need a qb who can play. Look at the awful teams in the league- Browns, Raiders, Rams, Niners, Bucs, Skins, Titans, Chiefs and look at their qb's, and then look at the good teams in the league- Pitt, Ne, Indy, Den, Minn, Giants, Cincy, Bmore and look at their qb's
- The heisman race is wide open right now
- Iowa will lose a game, TCU, Boise, Cincy, and Texas will not lose a game this year. Should make for some interesting debates at the end of the year.
- GT is a very good team, that ball control offense makes it very difficult for a team to come back against
- I think the Phillies have the talent to win the world series
- If Shaq stays healthy and focused, Clev will be very hard to beat. Lebron has taken that team deep in the playoffs with 9 other guys on the team who are awful
- Oregon will beat USC this saturday
- What did people do to kill time during work before Twitter, Facebook, myspace, AIM, and pandora
Most people ( at least out of the people I know) hate either the Yankees or the Phillies or both. That being said, it is still the world series, and this should be a good one. This is the list of HOF players that will be in this world series; Jeter, Arod, rivera, pettite, and posada. You also have these guys that are all about 2-4 years away from being HOF players- Utley, Howard( on pace to have ruthian numbers), rollins, Lee, Sabathia, Hammels, and Lidge. This should be a great series. As far as NCAA goes, we are now at the 2nd week of the BCS polls being out, and every day there is a new debate about where teams should be ranked and who is better( a 1 loss USC or an undefeated TCU etc..), but what makes college football the best sport around, is that every game really does matter, and it will all play out. You always here announcers say "must win game", but the bottom line is, that in college every game is a must win, if you want to play for the national champ. I have my own theories of who will end up where, and things like that, but that is for another time.
The nfl has hit a point in the season where we new who the top 10 teams are, and we also know who the 10 worst teams are. The playoffs should be very good this year. Everyone has their own opinion of who is the best and who is the worst, but in the AFC Pitt, Indy, Denver, Ne, and Bmore look like the 5 best teams with the Jets, Chargers and Bengals there, but we will see. I know I am biased and have the Ravens better then the Bengals, I just think by the end of the year the Ravens will be better as long as we can stay healthy. In the NFC the Saints, Giants, Vikings look like the class of that division with teams like the Packers, Falcons and some others hanging around, but I can not see a team that is not one of those top 3 making it to the super bowl.
Some other random thoughts I have about sports:
- I do not see any way the Orioles will be able to compete for a playoff spot within the next 5 years
- The office is getting way less funny, where as Always Sunny is getting funnier
- When Palamalu is healthy, the Steelers have one of the top 3 def in the NFL
- Michigan paid a team $500,000 to come to their stadium and play them for homecoming. That team took 2 losses that day, because they forfeited the game they had schedule, just so they could get that pay day. This is what the economy has come to, its sad
- Either P. Manning, Brees, or Rothelisburger will win the MVP, no one else is in the race
- Harvin may have clinched ROY on Sunday
- Willie Parker is done in Clev.
- QB is the most important position in the NFL, look at the good teams, look at the bad teams. Unless you have a top 5 def of all time( 2000 ravens) you need a qb who can play. Look at the awful teams in the league- Browns, Raiders, Rams, Niners, Bucs, Skins, Titans, Chiefs and look at their qb's, and then look at the good teams in the league- Pitt, Ne, Indy, Den, Minn, Giants, Cincy, Bmore and look at their qb's
- The heisman race is wide open right now
- Iowa will lose a game, TCU, Boise, Cincy, and Texas will not lose a game this year. Should make for some interesting debates at the end of the year.
- GT is a very good team, that ball control offense makes it very difficult for a team to come back against
- I think the Phillies have the talent to win the world series
- If Shaq stays healthy and focused, Clev will be very hard to beat. Lebron has taken that team deep in the playoffs with 9 other guys on the team who are awful
- Oregon will beat USC this saturday
- What did people do to kill time during work before Twitter, Facebook, myspace, AIM, and pandora
moving out of the city
The more I thought about why I want to move out of Federal Hill, I realized way more about why I want to. It has to do with how I feel about my life, what I want from my life both present and future, what I want out of the place I live, what i want friends to see when they come over, and also how I get along with my room mate.
I like the Federal Hill area, and I like what it has to offer, just right now living in the middle of it, is something I am over with my life. As far as my future goes, I am 100% over living down town, and I do not want to live around this crowd anymore. As much as I like the people down here, I do not like how everyone is always out, and how you are viewed if you do not go out. I should be able to live my life they I want, and all of my friends should not change their opinion of me based on if I am out or not. I am over drinking all the time, and I am over always being out. I can go out and not drink and still have a great time. I can spend a whole night out with my friends and not have to drink, but overall, living in the middle of Federal Hill is not something I want in my life now, or in the future. I can not wait to move out of this area. The way this part of town runs and the way most of the people are, is just only part of the reason I want to move out.
I have had an interesting housing history, and I think that is also part of the reason why I want to move out. After everywhere I have lived( both town and type of house and room mate) I am just not happy at all in this place. It is a nice apartment that I live in now, and me and Chris both have our own private bath rooms, but still there are so many things about this place that I do not like, that is just adding to my wanting to move out of here. I have never lived in this tight of a quarters like this, and things are just not how I want them. My room mate and I are on different pages when it comes to what it is like to live with someone in such tight quarters. The way we were when the other one has a guest over, the way we are with each when we are in the house, and especially how he is with me, when I am just hanging out sober and he is getting hammerred. I am over that time in my life, I can still go out and have a good time, but I am not the same way I was and I think my room mate resents that in a way. Recently, the stress has been building up between us, and we keep snapping at each other for little things. When 2 people live together, there needs to be a common respect for each other and how the place is kept and how you act when the other one is there. I feel like none of that is there in my apt, and it makes it so I do not even want to be in my own place.
My apt is in a great location if you love to go out, and you always want to be in the middle of the action. The problem is that I do not want that anymore. I am not saying I want to just pick up and move into the country and not have anyone within 20 miles of me, but living in the middle of Federal HIll is not something I want. I want to get out of here, so I can be happy with myself and take my life exactly where I want it to be. I do not want to live with anyone else every again, unless it is a girl that I ask to move in with me. I will not have a room mate other than that. The days of living with someone are over for me.
I like the Federal Hill area, and I like what it has to offer, just right now living in the middle of it, is something I am over with my life. As far as my future goes, I am 100% over living down town, and I do not want to live around this crowd anymore. As much as I like the people down here, I do not like how everyone is always out, and how you are viewed if you do not go out. I should be able to live my life they I want, and all of my friends should not change their opinion of me based on if I am out or not. I am over drinking all the time, and I am over always being out. I can go out and not drink and still have a great time. I can spend a whole night out with my friends and not have to drink, but overall, living in the middle of Federal Hill is not something I want in my life now, or in the future. I can not wait to move out of this area. The way this part of town runs and the way most of the people are, is just only part of the reason I want to move out.
I have had an interesting housing history, and I think that is also part of the reason why I want to move out. After everywhere I have lived( both town and type of house and room mate) I am just not happy at all in this place. It is a nice apartment that I live in now, and me and Chris both have our own private bath rooms, but still there are so many things about this place that I do not like, that is just adding to my wanting to move out of here. I have never lived in this tight of a quarters like this, and things are just not how I want them. My room mate and I are on different pages when it comes to what it is like to live with someone in such tight quarters. The way we were when the other one has a guest over, the way we are with each when we are in the house, and especially how he is with me, when I am just hanging out sober and he is getting hammerred. I am over that time in my life, I can still go out and have a good time, but I am not the same way I was and I think my room mate resents that in a way. Recently, the stress has been building up between us, and we keep snapping at each other for little things. When 2 people live together, there needs to be a common respect for each other and how the place is kept and how you act when the other one is there. I feel like none of that is there in my apt, and it makes it so I do not even want to be in my own place.
My apt is in a great location if you love to go out, and you always want to be in the middle of the action. The problem is that I do not want that anymore. I am not saying I want to just pick up and move into the country and not have anyone within 20 miles of me, but living in the middle of Federal HIll is not something I want. I want to get out of here, so I can be happy with myself and take my life exactly where I want it to be. I do not want to live with anyone else every again, unless it is a girl that I ask to move in with me. I will not have a room mate other than that. The days of living with someone are over for me.
Getting back with your ex
This is a blog in process, I have so many thoughts on this, and I have so much emotion towards this topic. There is so much I want to write about this topic, but I have to give myself some more time to think about it. I think for some people there will always be problems and they will break up and get back together, and eventually it will work out because they have so much love. On the other hand, I think some people think they love each other, but in reality, they do not have love, and they keep getting back together, but it never works. Like I said, I have a lot of opinions on this. I have to think for a couple more days before I write more about this topic.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sports and Tv from this weekend
- Michael Oher may have won the rookie of the year award yesterday for his work on Allen while Harvin got hurt, Stafford was out, Sanchez looked awful, Pettigrew didnt play
- Moreno could overstep Oher in ROY tonight
- Larintus for the Rams is far and away defensive ROY
- The saints and vikings look like the real deal, the question is can they go on the road in the playoffs and win, or will they even have to?
- Office has not been as funny this season
- Curb your Enthusiasm is back and is very funny
- Are the pats back and for real, or are the Titans really that bad?
- The tie-breaker for the ACC team to go to the champ game in the ACC is highest BSC standings, that does not bode well for VT.
- If TCU wins at BYU this weekend, will they jump into the top 5, will they jump Boise?
- If Cincy and Iowa go undefeated for the rest of the year along with TCU and Boise, and Texas has one loss and the loser of Fl/bama has one loss, and 2 other teams have one loss, who is playing for the national championship
- I will watch a MLB playoff game if I see it on tv, but I really have no interest in these playoffs for some reason, what are the series at right now?
- Winter Warz by Ghostface Killah maybe the best song by anyone in wu-tang
- Everyone is blaming the kicker for the Ravens for losing the game, but if an NFL team is giving up 400 yards of offense and 30+ pts, who is really to blame?
- I know that no one cares, but the NBA is starting soon, there is some great rookie talent in the league this year, and overs are always hot at the beginning of the year, because teams do not have their defenses set up.
- Top Chef and Road Rules/Real world challenges are the two best reality shows on tv, followed by Shark Tank,
- Zorn had his play-calling taken away and Campbell got benched and they lost to the Cheifs, are the Skins now the worst team in the league. That would be a bold statement in a league where the Rams, Raiders, Titans, Browns, Texans, Bucs, Eagles all play
- I have to assume that Ron Zook is going to be the fist NCAA coach fired this year. I know firing coaches mid-season doesn't accomplish anything, but he has to go.
- Community and Modern Family are two very funny new shows on tv
- The sexual tension between the 2 main characters in Bones is exactly the same as Mulder and Scully had in x-files, does anyone else see that?
- If the Orioles want any chance of competing next year, they have to sign Gonzalez form the padres and lackey from the angels, that is the only way to compete in the al east
- Moreno could overstep Oher in ROY tonight
- Larintus for the Rams is far and away defensive ROY
- The saints and vikings look like the real deal, the question is can they go on the road in the playoffs and win, or will they even have to?
- Office has not been as funny this season
- Curb your Enthusiasm is back and is very funny
- Are the pats back and for real, or are the Titans really that bad?
- The tie-breaker for the ACC team to go to the champ game in the ACC is highest BSC standings, that does not bode well for VT.
- If TCU wins at BYU this weekend, will they jump into the top 5, will they jump Boise?
- If Cincy and Iowa go undefeated for the rest of the year along with TCU and Boise, and Texas has one loss and the loser of Fl/bama has one loss, and 2 other teams have one loss, who is playing for the national championship
- I will watch a MLB playoff game if I see it on tv, but I really have no interest in these playoffs for some reason, what are the series at right now?
- Winter Warz by Ghostface Killah maybe the best song by anyone in wu-tang
- Everyone is blaming the kicker for the Ravens for losing the game, but if an NFL team is giving up 400 yards of offense and 30+ pts, who is really to blame?
- I know that no one cares, but the NBA is starting soon, there is some great rookie talent in the league this year, and overs are always hot at the beginning of the year, because teams do not have their defenses set up.
- Top Chef and Road Rules/Real world challenges are the two best reality shows on tv, followed by Shark Tank,
- Zorn had his play-calling taken away and Campbell got benched and they lost to the Cheifs, are the Skins now the worst team in the league. That would be a bold statement in a league where the Rams, Raiders, Titans, Browns, Texans, Bucs, Eagles all play
- I have to assume that Ron Zook is going to be the fist NCAA coach fired this year. I know firing coaches mid-season doesn't accomplish anything, but he has to go.
- Community and Modern Family are two very funny new shows on tv
- The sexual tension between the 2 main characters in Bones is exactly the same as Mulder and Scully had in x-files, does anyone else see that?
- If the Orioles want any chance of competing next year, they have to sign Gonzalez form the padres and lackey from the angels, that is the only way to compete in the al east
Thursday, September 10, 2009
My life while I think about turning 30
As I sit and think about where my life is now, I used to get depressed and sad. I never thought that this is where I would be at this stage in my life(Divorced, no kids, a job I sort of like, living in a house I sort of like, hanging out with the people I hung out with 15 years ago, etc..), but then I realize that this is where life has taken me and I can’t be sad or upset with it, I just have to take it for what it is, and go from there. I look around me and every single one of my friends seems to have everything going for them. Everyone seems to be happy with their life, their job, their relationships, etc..It seems like I am the only one questioning my life, and I am the only one that has any issues, like I am the only one who has any depression or sadness or issues of any kind. I then think, most of my friends don’t really know how I think and what I think about day to day, but I still wonder, am I just losing my mind and I am the only one that has crazy stuff going on, or does everyone have stuff going on and they just do not want to talk about any of it. Everyone looks at me and thinks I have this great life, because they only know the outside shell of the traveling, friends, parties, etc., but there is so much more going on.
I am not sure how all of this will play into my book, but I will find a way to get all of this in there.
The flip side of all of this is that I have led an incredible life so far, and even though this isn’t exactly where I thought I would end up, I don’t have any complaints for how I have led my life. I have made some decisions that I probably should of made different, but those decisions helped shape who I am today. I have traveled to the following areas around the world and seen and dome some amazing things in these places; Switzerland, Toledo, Madrid, Morroco, Canada(3 times), Cancun, Aruba(2), Bahamas(4), Acalpulco, St. Kitts, St. John, Bonairre, Curaco(sp?), driven cross country twice and been to most cities in the U.S. I went to a great college and made great friends down there, I lived in Boston for 5 months and made some great friends up there also. I have had numerous jobs where I have not only met great people, but made a lot of money doing them. I have been in many weddings, and have been to many more. I have bought and sold/rented out 2 different houses, I have been in love, I have been in love again, and I have owned 3 cars. I have been to over 50 concerts and had some of the best times at those shows. On the other hand, I have been divorced, I have had my heart broken, I have had my heart broken again, I have been screwed over by best friends, screwed over by family, screwed over by jobs, I have lost my grandparents and my mother, I have gone from having all the money in the world to feeling like I have none of the money in the world. It seems like I have had so much happen in my life, and sometimes it just all catches up with me.
With all of that being said I find myself in a place now, where one day I am incredibly happy and satisfied with my life, and the next day I am depressed and thinking what went wrong and where did I make mistakes, and what can I chance. I do know that thinking about/dwelling about negative things and things in the past will get me no where, and all I can do is continue to live my life and make myself exactly who I want to be.
When it comes to my best friends, I went through a phase where I was torn about some of them, but at this point, I am 100% sure who my friends are and who is just a fake friend. I will say, that so many people that I have met since I started going to college judge me and judge my friends, because we are all friends from high school, and that we need to branch out and make other friends. I remember being in the dorm, and I was the only person that still had good friends from home. I will say that Towson and Baltimore is the type of town that people stay close in. I have made some great friends in college and after college, but the majority of my best friends are people that I have known since I was very, very young, and I know they are all true friends. Some still live in town with me, others live across the country, but no matter what, we are all still very close.
I guess most of this comes from another one of my friends turning 30 this weekend, and with my 30th quickly approaching, it makes me think a lot about my life and where it is now and where it is going. I know I am happy and I have a good life, I just feel like sometimes I am just floating through life and I am not sure which direction I should be going in.
I am not sure how all of this will play into my book, but I will find a way to get all of this in there.
The flip side of all of this is that I have led an incredible life so far, and even though this isn’t exactly where I thought I would end up, I don’t have any complaints for how I have led my life. I have made some decisions that I probably should of made different, but those decisions helped shape who I am today. I have traveled to the following areas around the world and seen and dome some amazing things in these places; Switzerland, Toledo, Madrid, Morroco, Canada(3 times), Cancun, Aruba(2), Bahamas(4), Acalpulco, St. Kitts, St. John, Bonairre, Curaco(sp?), driven cross country twice and been to most cities in the U.S. I went to a great college and made great friends down there, I lived in Boston for 5 months and made some great friends up there also. I have had numerous jobs where I have not only met great people, but made a lot of money doing them. I have been in many weddings, and have been to many more. I have bought and sold/rented out 2 different houses, I have been in love, I have been in love again, and I have owned 3 cars. I have been to over 50 concerts and had some of the best times at those shows. On the other hand, I have been divorced, I have had my heart broken, I have had my heart broken again, I have been screwed over by best friends, screwed over by family, screwed over by jobs, I have lost my grandparents and my mother, I have gone from having all the money in the world to feeling like I have none of the money in the world. It seems like I have had so much happen in my life, and sometimes it just all catches up with me.
With all of that being said I find myself in a place now, where one day I am incredibly happy and satisfied with my life, and the next day I am depressed and thinking what went wrong and where did I make mistakes, and what can I chance. I do know that thinking about/dwelling about negative things and things in the past will get me no where, and all I can do is continue to live my life and make myself exactly who I want to be.
When it comes to my best friends, I went through a phase where I was torn about some of them, but at this point, I am 100% sure who my friends are and who is just a fake friend. I will say, that so many people that I have met since I started going to college judge me and judge my friends, because we are all friends from high school, and that we need to branch out and make other friends. I remember being in the dorm, and I was the only person that still had good friends from home. I will say that Towson and Baltimore is the type of town that people stay close in. I have made some great friends in college and after college, but the majority of my best friends are people that I have known since I was very, very young, and I know they are all true friends. Some still live in town with me, others live across the country, but no matter what, we are all still very close.
I guess most of this comes from another one of my friends turning 30 this weekend, and with my 30th quickly approaching, it makes me think a lot about my life and where it is now and where it is going. I know I am happy and I have a good life, I just feel like sometimes I am just floating through life and I am not sure which direction I should be going in.
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