My life while I think about turning 30

As I sit and think about where my life is now, I used to get depressed and sad. I never thought that this is where I would be at this stage in my life(Divorced, no kids, a job I sort of like, living in a house I sort of like, hanging out with the people I hung out with 15 years ago, etc..), but then I realize that this is where life has taken me and I can’t be sad or upset with it, I just have to take it for what it is, and go from there. I look around me and every single one of my friends seems to have everything going for them. Everyone seems to be happy with their life, their job, their relationships, etc..It seems like I am the only one questioning my life, and I am the only one that has any issues, like I am the only one who has any depression or sadness or issues of any kind. I then think, most of my friends don’t really know how I think and what I think about day to day, but I still wonder, am I just losing my mind and I am the only one that has crazy stuff going on, or does everyone have stuff going on and they just do not want to talk about any of it. Everyone looks at me and thinks I have this great life, because they only know the outside shell of the traveling, friends, parties, etc., but there is so much more going on.
I am not sure how all of this will play into my book, but I will find a way to get all of this in there.

The flip side of all of this is that I have led an incredible life so far, and even though this isn’t exactly where I thought I would end up, I don’t have any complaints for how I have led my life. I have made some decisions that I probably should of made different, but those decisions helped shape who I am today. I have traveled to the following areas around the world and seen and dome some amazing things in these places; Switzerland, Toledo, Madrid, Morroco, Canada(3 times), Cancun, Aruba(2), Bahamas(4), Acalpulco, St. Kitts, St. John, Bonairre, Curaco(sp?), driven cross country twice and been to most cities in the U.S. I went to a great college and made great friends down there, I lived in Boston for 5 months and made some great friends up there also. I have had numerous jobs where I have not only met great people, but made a lot of money doing them. I have been in many weddings, and have been to many more. I have bought and sold/rented out 2 different houses, I have been in love, I have been in love again, and I have owned 3 cars. I have been to over 50 concerts and had some of the best times at those shows. On the other hand, I have been divorced, I have had my heart broken, I have had my heart broken again, I have been screwed over by best friends, screwed over by family, screwed over by jobs, I have lost my grandparents and my mother, I have gone from having all the money in the world to feeling like I have none of the money in the world. It seems like I have had so much happen in my life, and sometimes it just all catches up with me.

With all of that being said I find myself in a place now, where one day I am incredibly happy and satisfied with my life, and the next day I am depressed and thinking what went wrong and where did I make mistakes, and what can I chance. I do know that thinking about/dwelling about negative things and things in the past will get me no where, and all I can do is continue to live my life and make myself exactly who I want to be.

When it comes to my best friends, I went through a phase where I was torn about some of them, but at this point, I am 100% sure who my friends are and who is just a fake friend. I will say, that so many people that I have met since I started going to college judge me and judge my friends, because we are all friends from high school, and that we need to branch out and make other friends. I remember being in the dorm, and I was the only person that still had good friends from home. I will say that Towson and Baltimore is the type of town that people stay close in. I have made some great friends in college and after college, but the majority of my best friends are people that I have known since I was very, very young, and I know they are all true friends. Some still live in town with me, others live across the country, but no matter what, we are all still very close.

I guess most of this comes from another one of my friends turning 30 this weekend, and with my 30th quickly approaching, it makes me think a lot about my life and where it is now and where it is going. I know I am happy and I have a good life, I just feel like sometimes I am just floating through life and I am not sure which direction I should be going in.